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TPO25 – Independent: A/D? Young people nowadays do not give enough time to help their communities. v.1

TPO25 – Independent: A/D? Young people nowadays do not give enough time to help their communities. v. 1
It is argued that corporations should be compelled to give a certain proportion of their executive level roles to females given that that over half of the workforce is female in the West. It is agreed that businesses should be obliged to assign a significant percentage of top-level posts to women. This essay will discuss firstly, that women should be paid an equal amount of money for doing the same job as a man, and secondly, the fact that girls are currently outperforming boys on many university courses; followed by a reasoned conclusion. Despite years of so-called ‘equal rights’ for women in the workplace, they continue to be underpaid. Many women who do exactly the same job as their male colleagues earn less money and this is unfair. For example, a recent survey of accountancy and legal firms in the United Kingdom found that women earn on average 17% less than men with identical roles. However, this may be due to women taking maternity leave and falling behind their male counterparts. This unfairness are compounded by the fact that females are currently getting higher grades in most university courses. Even previously male-dominated fields, such as law and medicine, now see women in the ascendency and they should, therefore, be rewarded with top roles. For example, females recently outperformed males for the first time in law in the U. K. Universities. Despite this, employers should bear in mind that roles should be handed out on merit, not gender alone. In conclusion, women do deserve an equal share of the good jobs available, namely because they are capable of doing an equally good job as men and are achieving higher academic standards than men at university. It is recommended that companies heed the advice in this essay and make their hiring practices fairer.
It
is argued
that corporations should
be compelled
to give a certain proportion of their executive level
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roles
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
that that over half of the workforce is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
in the West. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
that businesses should
be obliged
to assign a significant percentage of top-level posts to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
. This essay will discuss
firstly
, that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
should
be paid
an equal amount of money for doing the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
, and
secondly
, the fact that girls are
currently
outperforming boys on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
courses; followed by a reasoned conclusion.

Despite years of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
-called ‘equal rights’ for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in the workplace, they continue to be underpaid.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
who do exactly the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
as their male colleagues earn less money and this is unfair.
For example
, a recent survey of accountancy and legal firms in the United Kingdom found that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
earn on average 17% less than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
with identical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roles
.
However
, this may be due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
taking maternity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
and falling behind their male counterparts.

This unfairness
are compounded
by the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
are
currently
getting higher grades in most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
courses. Even previously male-dominated fields, such as law and medicine,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
ascendency and
they should,
therefore
,
be rewarded
with top
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roles
.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
recently outperformed males for the
first
time in law in the U. K.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Universities
. Despite this, employers should bear in mind that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roles
should
be handed
out on merit, not gender alone.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
do deserve an equal share of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
available,
namely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are capable of doing an
equally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and are achieving higher academic standards than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
. It
is recommended
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
heed the advice in this essay and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their hiring practices fairer.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO25 – Independent: A/D? Young people nowadays do not give enough time to help their communities. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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