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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement People nowadays do not give enough time to helping their communities Use specific examples and reasons to support your opinions v.1

People nowadays do not give enough time to helping their communities Use specific examples and reasons to support your opinions v. 1
It is true that History Is one of the valuable subject for school children. While I agree with this view for many good reasons, I also believe that the other subject's importance should not be overlooked. There are several reasons why I think that History subject Is Important. Firstly, from the subject of History students can easily find out what happened in the past years. As a result, they will know about the world war. Secondly, They will know some of the great inventions, what scientists did before. From this School children will know what It Is and why they made. Finally, to learn History subject, students will be able to get information about the great scientists and celebrities. For example, what they did in their life, what is their personality and their thoughts for the world. On the other hand, the other subjects like Science and Technology Is key for living in the world and It is important for students. The first reason of this is that nowadays we could not imagine the world without knowing the science and Technology. For example, if you want to book sit for examination within a minute, but you do not know how doing that, so that it would be impossible for you without knowing the use of Technology. The second reason would be without learning science subjects school students will not be able to know the theories of human and animals. In conclusion, though History subject is playing a vital role in the school children. In my opinion, the other subjects should be given the same priority.
It is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
History
Is one of the valuable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
children. While I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
, I
also
believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
subject's importance should not
be overlooked
.

There are several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
why I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
History
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
Is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Important
.
Firstly
, from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
History
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can
easily
find out what happened in the past years.
As a result
, they will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
about the world war.
Secondly
, They will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
great inventions, what scientists did
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. From this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
School
children will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
what It Is and why they made.

Finally
, to learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
History
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
information about the great scientists and celebrities.
For example
, what they did in their life, what is their personality and their thoughts for the world.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
like Science and Technology Is key for living in the world and It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. The
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
of this is that nowadays we could not imagine the world without knowing the science and Technology.
For example
, if you want to book sit for examination within a minute,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
you do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
how doing that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that it would be impossible for you without knowing the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of Technology. The second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
would be without learning science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will not be able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
the theories of human and animals.

In conclusion
, though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
History
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
is playing a vital role in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
children. In my opinion, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the same priority.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay People nowadays do not give enough time to helping their communities Use specific examples and reasons to support your opinions v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
265 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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