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Do you agree or Disagree with the following Statement? Nowadays, young people do Not give enough Time to Helping Their Communities. Use specific examples and Reasons to Support your answer. v.99

Nowadays, young people do Not give enough Time to Helping Their Communities. Use specific examples and Reasons to Support your answer. v. 99
Over recent decades, there has been a growing debate on whether teenagers' spare time should be spent with family members or outside. It is increasingly common to find youngsters partying and chilling out with peers until hours end, or staring their eyes with gadgets. However, while these can help building their social development and independence, I agree, to a large extent, with psychologists who feel that giving attention to parents and siblings is a lot more worthwhile due to building solidarity as well as safety. It must have to be acknowledged that spending leisure time with peer groups and teachers, for instance, is advantageous. This is because these social interactions are an imperative part of adolescents' lives and those who lack these may turn into introvert which has many drawbacks in their adult lives. Furthermore, pupils can learn new skills such as skiing, running, dancing or driving by enrolling various courses that also require managing a significant amount of time for different locations outside. Nevertheless, we should not ignore the fact that devoting relaxing-time entirely to the parents and siblings can be advantageous in several ways. First and foremost, it can dramatically improve solidarity among family members which is vital for a child's physical and intellectual well-being. Since these days, youngsters hardly get time for relaxing, it is recommended to have a quality time whenever possible. Another crucial reason relates to having safe-favourable environment. When children spend time with parents or other close members, it is highly likely that they could keep themselves away from many detrimental consequences by the Internet and social media. Clearly, this can protect them from numerous potential perils such as cyber-attack, bullying, paedophile or, at least, gaming addiction. In conclusion, the upsides of family time for bonding and keeping safe from negative repercussions are far greater than the advantages of having time outside of the family. It makes sense for the guardians to control their offsprings in a way that can lead them in a happy-adult life. Many sagacious and forward-thinking guardians have already put this idea into practice, and I fervently hope that others will follow suit.
Over recent decades, there has been a growing debate on whether
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
' spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
should
be spent
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members or outside. It is
increasingly
common to find youngsters partying and chilling out with peers until hours
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, or staring their eyes with gadgets.
However
, while these can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
The verb 'help' is used with an infinitive: "to build" or "build".
building
their social development and independence, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
, to a large extent, with psychologists who feel that giving attention to parents and siblings is a lot more worthwhile due to building solidarity
as well
as safety.

It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be acknowledged
that spending leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with peer groups and teachers,
for instance
, is advantageous. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these social interactions are an imperative part of adolescents'
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and those who lack these may turn into introvert which has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
drawbacks in their adult
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
Furthermore
, pupils can learn new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
such as skiing, running, dancing or driving by enrolling various courses that
also
require managing a significant amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
locations outside.

Nevertheless
, we should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
the fact that devoting relaxing-time
entirely
to the parents and siblings can be advantageous in several ways.
First
and foremost, it can
dramatically
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
solidarity among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members which is vital for a child's physical and intellectual well-being. Since these days, youngsters hardly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for relaxing, it
is recommended
to have a quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
whenever possible. Another crucial reason relates to having
Possible spelling mistake found.
safe-favourable
environment. When children spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with parents or other close members, it is
highly
likely that they could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
themselves away from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
detrimental
The usual preposition to use after "consequences" is not "by". Did you mean "consequences of", "consequences for", or "consequences on"?
consequences by
the Internet and social media.
Clearly
, this can protect them from numerous potential perils such as cyber-attack, bullying,
Possible spelling mistake. 'paedophile' is British English.
paedophile
or, at least, gaming addiction.

In conclusion
, the upsides of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for bonding and keeping safe from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
repercussions are far greater than the advantages of having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "outside".
outside of
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
sense for the guardians to control their
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "offspring", the plural form of the noun 'offspring'?
offsprings
in a way that can lead them in a happy-adult life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
sagacious and forward-thinking guardians have already put this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
into practice, and I
fervently
hope that others will follow suit.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS essay Nowadays, young people do Not give enough Time to Helping Their Communities. Use specific examples and Reasons to Support your answer. v. 99

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
353 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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