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The graph below gives information about internet users in three countries between 1999 and 2009. v.1

The graph below gives information about internet users in three countries between 1999 and 2009. v. 1
The importance and popularity of part time job have grown over the past few years. Experts throughout developing and developed worlds have debated whether working after school has the outweigh benefits or not. Both sides of this issue will be examined in the following essay. On the on hand, there are three crucial advantages of doing work after school. The most important one is that gaining experience in external class. An extensive study by renowned university has illustrated that the students who choose to join the part time job have an ability to apply the theoretical class to a practical task and highly active to cultural and environmental changes. To consistent this line of thinking is earning income, as a result, it would reduce the burden of family and individual. Last but not least, the time is spent on valuable activities. The best example for this is that some student spend time in playing games or even worse in an addicted drug which causes to harm both individual and society. On the other hand, although there are ample positives, it multifold downsides cannot be denied. First and the foremost, pupil may not pay attention in class. Since they cannot manage the time well, hence, they become behind the class and fail the test. Another negative side that should be taken into consideration is ruining the company's reputation. For instance, since pupil lacks of experience and ability to perform the same tasks as professional, thus the quality of students' works may not meet the firm's standard and consumer's satisfaction. To conclude from the aforementioned arguments, I strongly believe that its pros of taking part time job after the school outweigh its cons. Personally, I recommend that people should balance time on working and studying.
The importance and popularity of part
time
job have grown over the past few years. Experts throughout developing and developed worlds have debated whether working after school has
the outweigh
benefits or not. Both sides of this issue will
be examined
in the following essay.

On the on hand, there are three crucial advantages of doing work after school. The most
important
one is that gaining experience in external
class
. An extensive study by renowned university has illustrated that the students who choose to
join
the part
time
job have an ability to apply the theoretical
class
to a practical task and
highly
active to cultural and environmental
changes
. To consistent this line of thinking is earning income,
as a result
, it would
reduce
the burden of family and individual. Last
but
not least, the
time
is spent
on valuable activities. The best example for this is that
some
student
spend
time
in playing games or even worse in an addicted drug which causes to harm both individual and society.

On the other hand
, although there are ample positives,
it
multifold
downsides cannot
be denied
.
First
and the foremost, pupil may not pay attention in
class
. Since they cannot manage the
time
well,
hence
, they become behind the
class
and fail the
test
. Another
negative
side that should
be taken
into consideration is ruining the
company
's reputation.
For instance
, since pupil lacks of experience and ability to perform the same tasks as professional,
thus
the quality of students' works may not
meet
the firm's standard and consumer's satisfaction.

To conclude
from the aforementioned arguments, I
strongly
believe that its pros of taking part
time
job after the school outweigh its cons.
Personally
, I recommend that
people
should balance
time
on working and studying.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The graph below gives information about internet users in three countries between 1999 and 2009. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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