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TPO13-Q2: When looking for information for a research project, some students prefer to get their information mainly from the internet. Others prefer to mainly use printed materials such as books and academic journals. Which do you prefer, and why? v.1

TPO13-Q2: When looking for information for a research project, some students prefer to get their information mainly from the internet. Others prefer to mainly use printed materials such as books and academic journals. Which do you prefer, and why? v. 1
In many nations uneducated is acute issue, which numbers are increasing. There seem to be two main causes, and a number of effects, which we will discuss here. Perhaps, this issue is caused by low qualified teachers. These days more and more teachers are losing their motivation and becoming passive on students' education  due to a heavy workload.  Over the last decade,  there has been a prolific increase in requirement for teachers, meanwhile salary and social security stay constant.    The second key cause is families financial background. Numerous families are destitute to let their children pursue higher proper education.   as such young people  have to start working to support their families financially as soon as they can.  For an illustrative example,  children in China or India have been sent different kind of factories, which triggered to work in supporting their families. Regarding the effects  this problem may bring about financial hardships to the economies of many countries and this change citizens income. For instance,  when the younger generation replaces elder one, the effects of lack of knowledge might lead to the crisis. In addition,  more educated politicians and businessmen from other countries can rule these countries. Another enormous influence would be increasing rate of unemployment,  so many young people have no education and few employment opportunities. In fact, this can lead to the temptation of such young people to engage in petty crimes, such as shoplifting or vandalism, which will make crime rates dangerously high. To sum up, Illiteracy, it is mainly caused by slow economic growth, which directly affects the family income status in the modern world.
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
nations uneducated is acute issue, which numbers are increasing. There seem to be two main causes, and a number of effects, which we will discuss here.

Perhaps, this issue
is caused
by low qualified teachers. These days more and more teachers are losing their motivation and becoming passive on students' education
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
due to a heavy workload.  Over the last decade,
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
there has been a prolific increase in requirement for teachers, meanwhile salary and social security stay constant.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
   
The second key cause is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
financial background. Numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
are destitute to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
their children pursue higher proper education.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
  
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
as
such young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
  
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
working to support their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
financially
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as they can.  For an illustrative example,
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
children in China or India have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kind of factories, which triggered to work in supporting their families.

Regarding the effects
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
  
this problem may bring about financial hardships to the economies of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries and this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
citizens income.
For instance
,
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
when the younger generation replaces elder one, the effects of lack of knowledge might lead to the crisis.
In addition
,
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
more educated politicians and businessmen from other countries can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
these countries. Another enormous influence would be increasing rate of unemployment,
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have no education and few employment opportunities. In fact, this can lead to the temptation of such young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to engage in petty crimes, such as shoplifting or vandalism, which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
crime rates
dangerously
high.

To sum up, Illiteracy, it is
mainly
caused by slow economic growth, which
directly
affects the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
income status in the modern world.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Mistakes
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IELTS essay TPO13-Q2: When looking for information for a research project, some students prefer to get their information mainly from the internet. Others prefer to mainly use printed materials such as books and academic journals. Which do you prefer, and why? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
261 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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