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TPO24(independent)Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? One of the best ways that parents can help their teenage children prepare for adult life is to encourage them to take a part-time job. v.2

TPO24(independent) One of the best ways that parents can help their teenage children prepare for adult life is to encourage them to take a part-time job. v. 2
It is a highly debated issue whether or not parents shall let their teenage children to take a part-time vocation and in that case prepare them for adult life and this topic can be approached from several angles due to its complexity. While some people tend to think that parents shall avoid children from working, even a simple part-time job during childhood shall be prohibited; others firmly hold the view that it is an excellent opportunity for the children to improve their abilities practically. Deeply deliberating over the issue, I believe that both of them are right and it is the responsibility of every parents to enhance their children' s abilities in many aspects and following discussion reveals my stand and justification. To commence, my first subtle point which requires to be mentioned is that actually taking part in a part-time job would bring various and useful experience for the child during their spare times. Definitely, a relevant part-time activity helps children to put what they have learned into practice and see the consequences practically. Take my two brothers as an example, one of them used to go to different part-time vocations every summer, like carpentry, piping etc. However, the other one just spent his free time playing with his friends, going to game net etc. Consequently, the former became more responsible for his own work than the latter one; also, he understood how to spend the earned money more wisely. When I see the excellent consequences of having part-time on my older brother, I admire my parent to let my older brother get the appropriate benefit from his free time. Having discussed the subject from that viewpoint, one would rather look at it from another perspective, so that other ways should not be neglected. Although, having a part-time job assists the children from many angles, reading and thinking more will broaden their horizon of knowledge about the world they are living in and gives them a better standing of the entire world. For instance, many parents encourage their children to read the biography of famous people during their free time and it finally help the children a lot and prepare them well for future life. To recapitulate briefly, based on the aforementioned elucidations, I am in conviction that there are many ways to prepare children for adult life and it is the crucial responsibility of all parents to take the appropriate decision by considering the situations of their living.
It is a
highly
debated issue
whether or not
parents
shall
let
their teenage
children
to take a part-time vocation and
in that case
prepare them for adult life and this topic can
be approached
from several angles due to its complexity. While
some
people
tend to
think
that
parents
shall avoid
children
from working, even a simple part-time job during childhood shall
be prohibited
; others
firmly
hold the view that it is an excellent opportunity for the
children
to
improve
their abilities
practically
.
Deeply
deliberating over the issue, I believe that both of them are right and it is the responsibility of every
parents
to enhance their
children&
#039; s abilities in
many
aspects and following discussion reveals my stand and justification.

To commence, my
first
subtle point which requires to
be mentioned
is that actually taking part in a part-time job would bring various and useful experience for the child during their spare times. Definitely, a relevant part-time activity
helps
children
to put what they have learned into practice and
see
the consequences
practically
. Take my two brothers as an example, one of them
used
to go to
different
part-time vocations every summer, like carpentry, piping etc.
However
, the other one
just
spent his free time playing with his friends, going to game net etc.
Consequently
, the former became more responsible for his
own
work than the latter one;
also
, he understood how to spend the earned money more
wisely
. When I
see
the excellent consequences of having part-time on my older brother, I admire my
parent
to
let
my older brother
get
the appropriate benefit from his free time.

Having discussed the subject from that viewpoint, one would
rather
look at it from another perspective,
so
that other ways should not
be neglected
. Although, having a part-time job assists the
children
from
many
angles, reading and thinking more will broaden their horizon of knowledge about the world they are living in and gives them a better standing of the entire world.
For instance
,
many
parents
encourage their
children
to read the biography of
famous
people
during their free time and it
finally
help
the
children
a lot and prepare them well for future life.

To recapitulate
briefly
, based on the aforementioned elucidations, I am in conviction that there are
many
ways to prepare
children
for adult life and it is the crucial responsibility of all
parents
to take the appropriate decision by considering the situations of their living.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages know nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay TPO24(independent) One of the best ways that parents can help their teenage children prepare for adult life is to encourage them to take a part-time job. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
410 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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