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TPO24 – Independent: A/D? One of the best ways that parents can help their teenage children prepare for adult life is to encourage them take a part time job v.1

TPO24 – Independent: A/D? One of the best ways that parents can help their teenage children prepare for adult life is to encourage them take a part time job v. 1
In most of the countries, such as all the major metropolitan, towns and large villages, most of the people follow the recent fashion to get the more trendy look. Firstly, the majority of the people are changing according to the latest dress codes such as casual and formal wear for all the age groups. Mostly, the people are getting influenced by watching cinemas, YouTube channels and online shopping. For Example, In 1980s, movies were taken as per their cultural and historical background as even old generation love to watch the films. Nowadays, the movies don't have any story line and the people are influenced by watching trailers based on the clothes they wear. Eventually, online shopping is the most popular as the people are getting more satisfied by buying it for a cheaper price and dressing with the comparison of the society. Secondly, In my opinion, the hairstyles are changing as the generation grows up. It is becoming more popular because of the salon and spas grown everywhere. In the past, most of the people, especially for females love to have long hairs. But Nowadays, everyone is changing by visiting salons as they want to look more stylish comparing with their friends and neighbours. To Conclude, I would describe as it is neither good nor bad as people has to change based on their factors such as working according to the corporate world and even the kids do change for their educational background. For every person there should be a certain limit of extend to change his originality.
In most of the countries, such as all the major metropolitan, towns and large villages, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
follow the recent fashion to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the more trendy look.
Firstly
, the majority of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are changing according to the latest dress codes such as casual and formal wear for all the age groups.

Mostly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are getting influenced by watching cinemas, YouTube channels and online shopping.
For Example
,
The article is probably missing here: "In the 1980s".
In 1980s
, movies
were taken
as per their cultural and historical background as even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
generation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
the films. Nowadays, the movies don't have any story line and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are influenced
by watching trailers based on the clothes they wear.

Eventually
, online shopping is the most popular as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are getting more satisfied by buying it for a cheaper price and dressing with the comparison of the society.

Secondly
, In my opinion, the hairstyles are changing as the generation grows up. It is becoming more popular
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the salon and spas grown everywhere. In the past, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
especially
for females
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to have long hairs.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
Nowadays, everyone is changing by visiting salons as they want to look more stylish comparing with their friends and
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
.

To Conclude
, I would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describe
as it is neither
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
nor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
has
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
based on their factors such as working according to the corporate world and even the kids do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
for their educational background. For every person there should be a certain limit of extend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
his originality.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO24 – Independent: A/D? One of the best ways that parents can help their teenage children prepare for adult life is to encourage them take a part time job v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
258 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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