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The opinions of celebrities such as famous entertainers and athletes are more important to younger people than they are to older people Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer v.2

The opinions of celebrities such as famous entertainers and athletes are more important to younger people than they are to older people Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer v. 2
Everybody in his life confronts with different points of view and heards various opinions while he is watching Tv or reading newspaper, Most of which are cited from famous figure as a athletes or other celebrities. There is controversy about the fact that whether these citations affect on younger people in compare to elders or not? Some people hold an opinion that these have more effects on youths, while others refute their viewpoints. Personally, I concur first opinion because of two reason, both of whice are mentioned in following praragraphs. First, as we all may experience it in our lives, young people in lower ages are always seeking for a person to follow him in life. some of them choose a football player and try to imitate his life style. In addition, they listen carefully to heard what they say about any aspect of life for example, about politics or about other subjects. I will mention my personal experience which is compelling evidence for my opinion. When I was a child, I always used to follow rivaldo, brazilian football player. My job was to heard each interview of him or read his lifestory and try to put his actions in my personal life, even I elleminate some foods from my diet because of his speech. to some up briefly, juveniers are more influenced by celebrities since they are seeking for an hero in their life especially during the teens. Secondly, when human grow up and experience different situations in his life, there is no need to follow another persons opinion, so it is not really interensing for them that what is specific celebrity' s opinion. for instance, there is a show in my country that interview famous figures and ask their opinion about particular topic and me and my cousin are eager to see it. However my grandfather hate this program, so when we all are in a same room watching TV he turn the Tv chanell when they show this program and make us angry. It is all because he thinks he know about that matter far better than that person. To make long story short, according to the aforementioned arguments we can conclude that famous people' s opinions are far more important for teenagers and young people rather than elder ones, in fact, our grand fathers not only are not interested in their speechs but also they hate to hear them.
Everybody in his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
confronts with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
points of view and
Possible spelling mistake found.
heards
various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opinions
while he is watching
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tv
or reading newspaper, Most of which
are cited
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
figure as
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a athlete" or simply "athletes"?
a athletes
or other celebrities. There is controversy about the fact that whether these citations
Did you mean "effect"?
affect
on younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in compare to elders or not?
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
hold an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opinion
that these have more effects on youths, while others refute their viewpoints.
Personally
, I concur
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opinion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of two reason, both of
Possible spelling mistake found.
whice
are mentioned
in following
Possible spelling mistake found.
praragraphs
.

First
, as we all may experience it in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in lower ages are always seeking for a person to follow him in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
some
of them choose a football player and try to imitate his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
style.
In addition
, they listen
carefully
to heard what they say about any aspect of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
for example
, about politics or about other subjects. I will mention my personal experience which is compelling evidence for my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opinion
. When I was a child, I always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to follow
Possible spelling mistake found.
rivaldo
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
brazilian
football player. My job was
Did you mean "to hear"?
to heard
each interview of him or read his
Possible spelling mistake found.
lifestory
and try to put his actions in my personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, even I
Possible spelling mistake found.
elleminate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
foods from my diet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of his speech.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
up
briefly
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
juveniers
are more influenced by celebrities since they are seeking for
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
hero in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
especially
during the teens.

Secondly
, when human grow up and experience
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
situations in his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, there is no need to follow another
Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean "persons'" or "person's"?
persons
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opinion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is not
really
Possible spelling mistake found.
interensing
for them that what is specific
Possible spelling mistake found.
celebrity&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opinion
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
for
instance, there is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
in my country that interview
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
figures and ask their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opinion
about particular topic and me and my cousin are eager to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
it.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
my grandfather hate this program,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
when we all are in a same room watching TV he
The pronoun 'he' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "turns", "turned".
turn
the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tv
Possible spelling mistake found.
chanell
when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
this program and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
us angry. It is all
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
he
The pronoun 'he' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "knows", "knew".
know
about that matter far better than that person.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
long story short, according to the aforementioned arguments we can conclude that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
Possible spelling mistake found.
people&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opinions
are far more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
and young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
rather
than elder ones, in fact, our grand fathers not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
are not interested in their
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "speeches", the plural form of the noun 'speech'?
speechs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
they hate to hear them.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
26Mistakes

IELTS essay The opinions of celebrities such as famous entertainers and athletes are more important to younger people than they are to older people Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
403 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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