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TPO22 – Q2: A/D? Children should be required to learn practical skills in schools such as cooking or personal finance in addition to academic subjects. v.1

TPO22 – Q2: A/D? Children should be required to learn practical skills in schools such as cooking or personal finance in addition to academic subjects. v. 1
Arts sometimes reflect the heritage of a country and depict the creativity of an individual. While many believe that financing in the arts is a wastage of money, I am of the opposite view as I believe that financing in the arts is a good idea for the government. Supporters of the idea put forth that diverting funds towards arts hamper the national well-being. For example, available monetary resources could be put to use in building more hospitals, roads, infrastructure and schools. This means increasing care of the sick and improved transportation to previously inaccessible areas. For children, it caters for increased literacy rates. This group of people believes that art is a luxury and many governments cannot afford this extravagance. According to them, other important sectors require more money and hence a government should stop spending money on arts and invest in more critical areas. However, while investments in such areas are vital, spending on the arts is equally important. Allocating money to the development and sustenance of arts helps boost the economy. Art galleries can attract tourists from all over the world, generating revenue in return. It is also the case that viewing and practising arts are good sources of venting out stress and recreate. Such activities also portray a positive picture of a nation and help to take pride in if pieces of arts become famous. If governments fail to support arts fiscally, many art galleries and theatres would not be able to survive. Hence, it is clear to me that spending on the arts is beneficial both for an individual and society. Therefore funding arts are not squandering money.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Arts
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
reflect the heritage of a country and depict the creativity of an individual. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
believe that financing in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
is a wastage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, I am of the opposite view as I believe that financing in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.

Supporters of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
put forth that diverting funds towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
hamper the national well-being.
For example
, available monetary resources could
be put
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
in building more hospitals, roads, infrastructure and schools. This means increasing care of the sick and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
transportation to previously inaccessible areas. For children, it caters for increased literacy rates. This group of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believes that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is a luxury and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
cannot afford this extravagance. According to them, other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
sectors require more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and
hence
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
and invest in more critical areas.

However
, while investments in such areas are vital, spending on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
is
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
. Allocating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to the development and sustenance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
boost the economy.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Art
galleries can attract tourists from all over the world, generating revenue in return. It is
also
the case that viewing and
Possible spelling mistake. 'practising' is British English.
practising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
sources of venting out
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and recreate. Such activities
also
portray a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
picture of a nation and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to take pride in if pieces of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
. If
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
fail to support
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
fiscally
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
galleries and
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatres' is British English.
theatres
would not be able to survive.

Hence
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
to me that spending on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
is beneficial both for an individual and society.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
funding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
are not squandering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay TPO22 – Q2: A/D? Children should be required to learn practical skills in schools such as cooking or personal finance in addition to academic subjects. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
273 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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