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In some countries, celebrities get higher salaries than senior politicians. What do you think is the reason for this? Is it a positive or negative development? v.2

In some countries, celebrities get higher salaries than senior politicians. What do you think is the reason for this? Is it a positive or negative development? v. 2
Nowadays, it’s a common approach of celebrities to get higher attention rather than politicians. Many factors are aiding to the person’s significant personality either politicians or celebrities. Popularity on individuals based on their nature & behaviour. As a matter of fact, if you know what the public want from you, then you can earn a bunch of influencer. To begin with, Famous people are an active user of social media. They post everything from their routine like, fitness regime, diet formats, leisure work etc. In fact, they are very fond of public attention. On the contrary, senior politicians don’t open up in front of folks. They show subtle behaviour to everyone and this characteristic doesn’t get enough influencer. Express to others, it’s quite hard for them and news workers create the wrong image of politicians. Due to inaccurate portrait, people don’t empathies them. For instance, actors get money wherever they attend the ceremony or events. Adversely, politicians don’t get paid and that’s the primary aspect of wealth of celebrities. In addition, people give money for single sight of actors, singers, or dancers and their every step creates different effects on their influencer mind. For example, recently, in Delhi on JNU campus some goons attacked the students, so in protest against law and judiciary system, an actress had been present in peace movement, that appearance advantageous for her and also for his film’s success and get a bound love from her fans. That’s propaganda, but money matters the most. These are the different aspects why celebrities earn more than politicians. Finally, it’s not a positive or negative impact. Everyone has the right amount of power. But, how to use that capability, it’s in your hand. Everyone has an obsession about their wealth. Celebrities and politicians, both are doing their duty. According to me, this is not inhibiting development. On affirmative way, this is a modernization of a certain situation. I assent to this development.
Nowadays, it’s a common approach of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
higher attention
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
politicians
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
factors are aiding to the person’s significant personality either
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
politicians
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
. Popularity on individuals based on their nature &
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
. As a matter of fact, if you know what the public want from you, then you can earn
Possible agreement error. The noun influencer seems to be countable; consider using: "a bunch of influencers".
a bunch of influencer
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Famous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are an active user of social media. They post everything from their routine like, fitness regime, diet formats, leisure work etc. In fact, they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
fond of public attention.
On the contrary
, senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
politicians
don’t open up in front of folks. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
subtle
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
to everyone and this characteristic doesn’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
influencer. Express to others, it’s quite
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for them and news workers create the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
image of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
politicians
. Due to inaccurate portrait,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
don’t
Possible spelling mistake found.
empathies
them.
For instance
, actors
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
money wherever they attend the ceremony or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
.
Adversely
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
politicians
don’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
paid and that’s the primary aspect of wealth of celebrities.

In addition
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
give money for single sight of actors, singers, or dancers and their every step creates
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
effects on their influencer mind.
For example
, recently, in Delhi on
Possible spelling mistake found.
JNU
campus
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
goons attacked the students,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
in protest against law and judiciary system, an actress had been present in peace movement, that appearance advantageous for her and
also
for his film’s success and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a bound
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
from her fans. That’s propaganda,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
money matters the most. These are the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
aspects why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
earn more than politicians.

Finally
, it’s not a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact. Everyone has the right amount of power.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
that capability, it’s in your hand. Everyone has an obsession about their wealth.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Celebrities
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
politicians
, both are doing their duty.
This phrase can sound awkward in English. Consider using "in my opinion" or "I think".
According to me
, this is not inhibiting development. On affirmative way, this is a modernization of a certain situation. I assent to this development.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
It is astonishing how much enjoyment one can get out of a language that one understands imperfectly.
Basil Lanneau Gildersleeve

IELTS essay In some countries, celebrities get higher salaries than senior politicians. What do you think is the reason for this? Is it a positive or negative development? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
323 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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