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#6 If you could change one important thing about your hometown, what would you change? Use reasons and specific examples to support your answer. v.1

#6 If you could change one important thing about your hometown, what would you change? Use reasons and specific examples to support your answer. v. 1
Many people believe that prospective parents must go on a course to gain the skills required to raise children. However, in my opinion, I disagree that it should be mandatory because of the wealth of parenting information available and the innate ability to raise children. First and foremost, parents have coped for centuries without taking part in a training programme and have raised perfectly healthy babies. They have been successful in providing for their children using their maternal or paternal instinct that is ingrained in human nature. To illustrate this point, parenting training courses did not exist in the UK until fairly recently and the overwhelming majority of children have grown up as healthy and well-adjusted individuals. If parenting classes were essential, this would not have been the case. Another supporting factor is that new parents have access to a wealth of information without attending a training course. Millennials, for instance, are comfortable gathering knowledge using video sharing platforms and online knowledge bases such as Youtube and Wikipedia. Furthermore, there are a plethora of applications designed for prospective parents which can alleviate any concerns about parenthood. What is more, new parents can acquire invaluable knowledge from their friends and family, especially those who have prior experience of bringing up children. If they face any difficulties, they will never have a shortage of knowledge or help available. To sum up, while there is nothing wrong with attending parenting courses, I strongly believe that it is not necessary. The key reasons for this belief are that parents have sufficient resources available which can be combined with their innate predisposition to nurture children.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that prospective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
go on a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
to gain the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
required to raise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
However
, in my opinion, I disagree that it should be mandatory
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the wealth of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parenting
information available and the innate ability to raise children.

First
and foremost,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have coped for centuries without taking part in a training
Possible spelling mistake. 'programme' is British English.
programme
and have raised
perfectly
healthy babies. They have been successful in providing for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
using their maternal or paternal instinct that
is ingrained
in human nature. To illustrate this point,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parenting
training
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
did not exist in the UK until
fairly
recently and the overwhelming majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have grown up as healthy and well-adjusted individuals. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parenting
classes were essential, this would not have been the case.

Another supporting factor is that new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have access to a wealth of information without attending a training
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
. Millennials,
for instance
, are comfortable gathering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
using video sharing platforms and online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
bases such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
Youtube
and Wikipedia.
Furthermore
, there are a plethora of applications designed for prospective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
which can alleviate any concerns about parenthood.
What is more
, new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can acquire invaluable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
from their friends and family,
especially
those who have prior experience of bringing up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. If they face any difficulties, they will never have a shortage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
available.

To sum up, while there is nothing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
with attending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parenting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
, I
strongly
believe that it is not necessary. The key reasons for this belief are that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have sufficient resources available which can
be combined
with their innate predisposition to nurture
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay #6 If you could change one important thing about your hometown, what would you change? Use reasons and specific examples to support your answer. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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