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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Children should be required to learn practical skills in school, such as cooking or personal finance in addition to academic subjects. v.157

Children should be required to learn practical skills in school, such as cooking or personal finance in addition to academic subjects. v. 157
In certain demographics of the world, historically valuable things are meticulously preserved and stored in a safe place called “museum. ” The said place is indispensable in every patriotic country because of the following: one, it is a perfect trace to the legacies of a particular nation; lastly, it promotes the culture and heritage of a country. While with the advancement of science, all necessary data are within the fingertips of the people, an assumption that the existence of museums will not be that essential in the near future has been generated. My conviction zealously opposes with the aforementioned concept. Although almost everything is encoded and conveniently found in the internet, neglecting architectures consisting of preserved history-related objects are still unjustifiable. Primarily, in order to search such articles, an individual must at least have a minimal idea as the world wide web requires clue words before it delivers a series of data. Additionally, one must be curious or history must be an area of inclination to get deeper and intertwining information regarding the legacies. Ultimately, data in the internet are not as reliable as what people see in the museum. It is clear that the digital advancement does not guarantee cultural promotion and data acquisition. A museum is an incredible instant reminder of the past events that contributed today’s living condition. It should be undoubtedly considered as one of the most valuable architectures in every nation. Furthermore, the juvenile members of the society must be educated with the help of every academic institution through conducting educational trips to museums. Cliché it may sound, but things that were seen and encountered in real life stay forever in the heart and soul of the humankind. Undeniably, the classical safe place will always be required in the society. As a denouement, the museums are indispensable and its uninterrupted preservation is highly unquestionable. I disagree that such building or storage will not be essential in the coming generations as the information encoded in the internet can be true, however, people with access to these can alter the said data making it an unreliable source sometimes. At the end of the day, nothing beats the actual experience when an individual saw historical objects with their eyes and felt it with their hands. Hence, people must be educated to never take museums for granted.
In certain demographics of the world,
historically
valuable things are
meticulously
preserved and stored in a safe place called
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
“museum
. ” The said place is indispensable in every patriotic country
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the following: one, it is a perfect trace to the legacies of a particular nation;
lastly
, it promotes the culture and heritage of a country. While with the advancement of science, all necessary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
are within the fingertips of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, an assumption that the existence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
will not be that essential in the near future has
been generated
. My conviction
zealously
opposes with the aforementioned concept.

Although almost everything
is encoded
and
conveniently
found
The usual collocation for technology is "on," not "in." It is better to say this: "on the internet".
in the internet
, neglecting architectures consisting of preserved history-related objects are
still
unjustifiable.
Primarily
, in order to search such articles, an individual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
at least have a minimal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
as the
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
world wide web
requires clue words
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
it delivers a series of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
.
Additionally
, one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be curious or history
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be an area of inclination to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
deeper and intertwining information regarding the legacies.
Ultimately
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
The usual collocation for technology is "on," not "in." It is better to say this: "on the internet".
in the internet
are not as reliable as what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the digital advancement does not guarantee cultural promotion and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
acquisition.

A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
is an incredible instant reminder of the past
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
that contributed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s living condition. It should be
undoubtedly
considered as one of the most valuable architectures in every nation.
Furthermore
, the juvenile members of the society
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be educated
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of every academic institution through conducting educational trips to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
. Cliché it may sound,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
things that were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
and encountered in real life stay forever in the heart and soul of the humankind.
Undeniably
, the classical safe place will always
be required
in the society.

As a
'denouement' is an imported foreign expression, which originally has a diacritic. Consider using "dénouement"
denouement
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
are indispensable and its uninterrupted preservation is
highly
unquestionable. I disagree that such building or storage will not be essential in the coming generations as the information encoded
The usual collocation for technology is "on," not "in." It is better to say this: "on the internet".
in the internet
can be true,
however
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with access to these can alter the said
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
making it an unreliable source
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
. At the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the day, nothing beats the actual experience when an individual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
historical objects with their eyes and felt it with their hands.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be educated
to never take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
for granted.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Children should be required to learn practical skills in school, such as cooking or personal finance in addition to academic subjects. v. 157

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
388 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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