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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: children should be required to learn practical skills in school, such as cooking or personal finance, in addition to academic subjects. v.1

: children should be required to learn practical skills in school, such as cooking or personal finance, in addition to academic subjects. v. 1
In this modern world, the upbringing of children is considered the most daunting task amongst all. Some would argue that educating children about the things which make them a good human being in society, is the sole responsibility of the parents. While others think that educational institutes ought to teach children about these because they are meant for this purpose, I believe that parents are the role model for children. On the one hand, the primary purpose of the schools is to polish children with good manners and teach them with etiquettes which are required to become a better part of society. This is to say that besides learning the curriculum, a school is a place where a child has a small social circle and this is the place where all the things learned are applied. For example, a recent survey on child behaviour revealed that on average a child spends a one-third part of the year in school and during this period good or bad things adopted are the influence of their class-mates. However, I consider that due to the high strength of the students it not possible to supervise and give them individual attention. On the other hand, children spend most of their time with their parents and they are their initial source of knowledge. The things taught by parents are more effective than any other institution, because children imbibe, and try to adapt things which they observe in their parents. For example, if a parent is lacking in a civic sense, and litre on roads in front of a child, then, later on, children do not hesitate to throw garbage on the streets because according to them there is nothing bad in this behaviour. I believe that parents are our a priori source of learning, between our partial knowledge and society. To conclude, although schools are doing best to teach children about good manners to survive in society, I believe that parents should be more vigilant in terms of their behaviour because they are always under observation by their children because in learning phase they found parents as the most authentic source.
In this modern world, the upbringing of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is considered
the most daunting task amongst all.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
would argue that educating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
about the things which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
human being in society, is the sole responsibility of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. While others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that educational institutes ought to teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
about these
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
are meant
for this purpose, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are the role model for children.

On the one hand, the primary purpose of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
is to
"Polish" needs to be capitalized when not used as a verb.
polish
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
manners and teach them with
Possible spelling mistake found.
etiquettes
which
are required
to become a better part of society. This is to say that
besides
learning the curriculum, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is a place where a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
social circle and this is the place where all the things learned
are applied
.
For example
, a recent survey on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
revealed that on average a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
spends a one-third part of the year in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and during this period
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
things adopted are the influence of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
-mates.
However
, I consider that due to the high strength of the students
Did you mean "is" or "it is"?
it
not possible to supervise and give them individual attention.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend most of their time with their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
parents and
they are their initial source of knowledge. The things taught by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are more effective than any other institution,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
imbibe, and try to adapt things which they observe in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
For example
, if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
is lacking in a civic sense, and
Possible spelling mistake. 'litre' is British English.
litre
on roads in front of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
, then, later on,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do not hesitate to throw garbage on the streets
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
according to them there is nothing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
in this
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
. I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are our a priori source of learning, between our partial knowledge and society.

To conclude
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are doing best to teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
manners to survive in society, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should be more vigilant in terms of their
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are always under observation by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in learning phase they found
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
as the most authentic source.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay : children should be required to learn practical skills in school, such as cooking or personal finance, in addition to academic subjects. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
355 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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