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TPO21 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? For success in a future job, the ability to relate well to people is more important than studying hard in school. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.1

TPO21 For success in a future job, the ability to relate well to people is more important than studying hard in school. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 1
The Internet is the greatest invention of today’s era. It’s providing immense benefits to mankind, but on the other side, it’s over usage turned frightening in isolating the young adults and teenagers from social interactions. This essay will look at the different aspects of why it has become dangerous from a social point of view and offer some suggestions. Undoubtedly, the Internet is the main source of leading the adults and the teenagers to loneliness. The teenagers spend a lot of their time on mobile phones and computers in their own safe place with closed doors instead of interacting with other family members and friends. Moreover, online video games have turned this situation to addiction, and any remaining time left with the teens have been wasted in front of screens. The other main reason is virtual social websites like Facebook and Instagram. These teenagers start relying on virtual friends who are physically not present to socially interact on any event. These websites have become so much popular that it’s against the odd not to have it. As a solution, the family should introduce “Internet Free Days” at their homes. All the members of the family should discourage use of any electronic devices and social media applications during those days. They should play games together and participate in small events like cooking at home. Also, attending a social gathering or any event like a music concert with friends will be very helpful. To conclude, the growing use of the internet is becoming a serious matter. There is a strong need to control this issue before it starts affecting our community on a major scale.
The Internet is the greatest invention of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s era. It’s providing immense benefits to mankind,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
on the other side, it’s over usage turned frightening in isolating the young adults and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
interactions. This essay will look at the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
aspects of why it has become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
from a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
point of view and offer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
suggestions.

Undoubtedly
, the Internet is the main source of leading the adults and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
to loneliness. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
their time on mobile phones and computers in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
safe place with closed doors
instead
of interacting with other family members and friends.
Moreover
, online video games have turned this situation to addiction, and any remaining time
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
with the teens have
been wasted
in front of screens. The other main reason is virtual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
websites like Facebook and Instagram. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
relying on virtual friends who are
physically
not present to
socially
interact on any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
. These websites have become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much popular that it’s against the odd not to have it.

As a solution, the family should introduce “Internet Free Days” at their homes. All the members of the family should discourage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of any electronic devices and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media applications during those days. They should play games together and participate in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
like cooking at home.
Also
, attending a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
gathering or any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
like a music concert with friends will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
helpful.

To conclude
, the growing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the internet is becoming a serious matter. There is a strong need to control this issue
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
affecting our community on a major scale.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO21 For success in a future job, the ability to relate well to people is more important than studying hard in school. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
273 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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