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TPO 44 - Question 3 Create Student Committee to Decide Funding for Student Organizations I think students should be in charge of deciding which student organizations (for example, the jazz band or the hiking club) receive money from the university. Studen v.1

TPO 44 - Question 3 Create Student Committee to Decide Funding for Student Organizations I think students should be in charge of deciding which student organizations (for example, the jazz band or the hiking club) receive money from the university. Studen v. 1
Life has changed drastically over the course of a few decades. Due to fast paced life competitive life, the stress related illness like heart problems and obesity are on the constant rise. The essay discusses the reasons of stress related health issues and proposes some solutions. Undoubtedly, technology has replaced manpower with machines. Over the course of the last few decades the jobs have been constantly reducing and it is being replaced by the computers and artificial intelligence equipped robots. For example, the cashiers at the supermarket has been replaced by self-serve check outs. As a result, we are forced to work very hard to maintain our jobs and in the tough competitive environment. Furthermore, the increase in the prices of commodities is another reason of stress and anxiety. To cater to the needs of life, we must work extra hours and around the clock. As a result, we are unable to maintain work life balance and leaned towards eating ready-made foods instead of healthy cooked meal at home. Recent research in the USA has proved that fast food is the major cause of obesity and therefore should be avoided. Yoga has proved very beneficial in relaxing the body and mind and should be added to our daily routines. Lastly, socializing acts as a catalyst for instant gratification. We should take some time out on weekends to hang around with friends and family. To conclude, latest scientific advancements and day to day inflation has negatively affected people’s health. Eating healthy, physical activities and socializing can help to deter the ill effects caused by stress.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Life
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
drastically
over the course of a few decades. Due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
paced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
competitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
related illness like heart problems and obesity are on the constant rise. The essay discusses the reasons of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
related health issues and proposes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions.

Undoubtedly
, technology has replaced manpower with machines. Over the course of the last few decades the jobs have been
constantly
reducing and it is
being replaced
by the computers and artificial intelligence equipped robots.
For example
, the cashiers at the supermarket has
been replaced
by self-serve
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
outs.
As a result
, we
are forced
to work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to maintain our jobs and in the tough competitive environment.

Furthermore
, the increase in the prices of commodities is another reason of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
and anxiety. To cater to the needs of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
work extra hours and around the clock.
As a result
, we are unable to maintain work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
balance and leaned towards eating ready-made foods
instead
of healthy cooked meal at home. Recent research in the USA has proved that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food is the major cause of obesity and
therefore
should
be avoided
. Yoga has proved
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
beneficial in relaxing the body and mind and should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
to our daily routines.

Lastly
, socializing acts as a catalyst for instant gratification. We should take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time out on weekends to hang around with friends and family.

To conclude
,
A determiner is probably missing here: "the latest".
latest
scientific advancements and day to day inflation has
negatively
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s health. Eating healthy, physical activities and socializing can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to deter the ill effects caused by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO 44 - Question 3 Create Student Committee to Decide Funding for Student Organizations I think students should be in charge of deciding which student organizations (for example, the jazz band or the hiking club) receive money from the university. Studen v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
264 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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