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do you agree or disagree with the following statement? for success in future job and life the ability to relate well to people is more important than studying hard at school? give specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.298

for success in future job and life the ability to relate well to people is more important than studying hard at school? give specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 298
Nowadays, there are a lot of children who like to spend their free time playing games, reading books or going out with friends. Most parents want their kids to go out and enjoy leisure activities, but the others think that the children should read books to gain more interesting and helpful knowledge. Moreover, not just for fun like going out, reading books help children to relax and learn about new things too. I am not totally agree with the statement that has given. Firstly, when reading books, children can learn more new things in the world. For example: when reading red riding hood, from the naughty girl in the story, we can learn that we shouldn’t trust new people and we have to listen to our parents and do what they say. Secondly, many children find that reading books make them relax and they just want to read more because the story is usually very interesting. Last but not least, children can learn to read at a young age because parents could teach children how to read the book in an interesting way. However, reading books still have some disadvantages. Firstly, when kids don’t know how to read books in the right way, they will place their eyes too near the page and that leads to bad eyesight. Secondly, there are some children that are addicted in entertaining books, so sometimes, they neglect school and have bad marks. Finally, there are some books that contain bad information, the child is too young to understand that is bad, so they keep reading and cause harm in their normal mental growth. To conclude, although reading story books do have some disadvantages. I think both the children and other people can overcome this and make reading story book an interesting and helpful activity for children. I am not completely agree with the statement that
Nowadays, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who like to spend their free time playing games,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
or going out with friends. Most parents want their kids to go out and enjoy leisure activities,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
read
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
to gain more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interesting
and helpful knowledge.
Moreover
, not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
for fun like going out,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to relax and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
about new things too. I am not
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement that has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
.

Firstly
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
more new things in the world.
For example
: when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
red riding hood, from the naughty girl in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
story
, we can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
that we shouldn’t trust new
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
people and
we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
listen to our parents and do what they say.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
find that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
relax and
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
read
more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
story
is
usually
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interesting
. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
read
at a young age
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
parents could teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
how to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
read
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
in an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interesting
way.

However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
still
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages.
Firstly
, when kids don’t know how to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
read
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
in the right way, they will place their eyes too near the page and that leads to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
eyesight.
Secondly
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
that
are addicted
in entertaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
, they neglect school and have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
marks.
Finally
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
that contain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
information, the child is too young to understand
that is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
and cause harm in their normal mental growth.

To conclude
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
story
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
do have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can overcome this and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
story
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interesting
and helpful activity for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. I am not completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
that
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Speak a new language so that the world will be a new world.
Rumi

IELTS essay for success in future job and life the ability to relate well to people is more important than studying hard at school? give specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 298

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
310 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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