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TPO 21Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? For success in a future job, the ability to relate well to people is more important than studying hard in school. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.1

TPO 21 For success in a future job, the ability to relate well to people is more important than studying hard in school. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 1
Parental influence has a huge importance for children's growth since the family life as a fundamental guidance to their development than other factors. In my opinion, I totally agree that the parents have much more significant for giving the proper psychological and physical growth of a child instead of external influences. This essay will analyse both statements before drawing a rational conclusion. On the one hand, the position of the parents has the truly remarkable impacts for them since their childhood. First and foremost, it is obvious that the character of children could be seen through the way of their parents treat them. By means, love and attention from parents develop a strong character in a child, while the lack of proper parental guidance often ruins it, according to many views of psychologists. Moreover, parents are supportive and secure environment, especially for giving advice which could lead them to the right path without any cost, no one could do that. For instance, the parents could lovely encourage their children on any condition with full patient, though the children made either big or small mistakes. However, the other relationships around children would be the seconder factors in their life. Substantively, The children also need to enrich their insights by learning at school, interacting with the teachers, friends and other related person. Nevertheless, they deserve various of pivotal knowledge and education at home, they could deal it with developing the skill of communication, socialization, moral values as well as on how to obstacle the problems in their own way. Furthermore, the invaluable skills at school is the essential influence for children to develop the sense of community in their social environment. These external elements would also be beneficial for children's achievement in their life. By way of conclusion, although the parents have an influential role in educating them, yet the children also need the seconder factors to reach their life's achievement. I personally state that both positions have to perform their best way to provide magnificent influence to the children.
Parental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
influence
has a huge importance for children's growth since the family life as a fundamental guidance to their development than other factors. In my opinion, I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have much more significant for giving the proper psychological and physical growth of a child
instead
of external
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
influences
. This essay will
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
both statements
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
drawing a rational conclusion.

On the one hand, the position of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
has the
truly
remarkable impacts for them since their childhood.
First
and foremost, it is obvious that the character of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
through the way of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
treat them. By means,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and attention from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
develop a strong character in a child, while the lack of proper parental guidance
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
ruins it, according to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
views of psychologists.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are supportive and secure environment,
especially
for giving advice which could lead them to the right path without any cost, no one could do that.
For instance
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
could lovely encourage their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
on any condition with full patient, though the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
made either
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
mistakes.

However
, the other relationships around
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
would be the seconder factors in their life.
Substantively
, The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
also
need to enrich their insights by learning at school, interacting with the teachers, friends and other related person.
Nevertheless
, they deserve various of pivotal knowledge and education at home, they could deal it with developing the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
of communication, socialization, moral values
as well
as on how to obstacle the problems in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
way.
Furthermore
, the invaluable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
at school is the essential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
influence
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to develop the sense of community in their social environment. These external elements would
also
be beneficial for children's achievement in their life.

By way of conclusion, although the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have an influential role in educating them,
yet
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
also
need the seconder factors to reach their life's achievement. I
personally
state that both positions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
perform their best way to provide magnificent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
influence
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
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IELTS essay TPO 21 For success in a future job, the ability to relate well to people is more important than studying hard in school. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
338 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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