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do you agree or disagree with the following statement? for success in future job and life the ability to relate well to people is more important than studying hard at school? give specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.752

for success in future job and life the ability to relate well to people is more important than studying hard at school? give specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 752
Every person work hard during his life to achieve more goals and become successful. Beside that setting a good relationship with others seems to be so much important too. Some people think graduating from a famous school and working hard during college time can lead them toward success. While, there are some other people who feel that generally bonding and craeting a well-organized relation with others can benefit them more. In my view, I believe that the ability to relate is so crucial in any occupation for two reasons. First, people like to connect with individuals who share the sense of emphaty with others and mak social bonds easily. So, if you have a satisfactory ability of relating with other peers in work atmosphere or with the customers in your job, you may keep them for longer time even if they found you not smart enogh in your expertise. For example, four years ago, i had a friend Jimmy who worked at a restaurant bar where he served drinks for people. He always try to remember his customers and mostly whom which seem to be regular attendants. Also, he normally spoke so friendly with them and showed himself as an open person who like to listen to their sad or exhausting stories. This actually helped the bar to increase the number of its customers substantionaly. The manager asked him about the secret of his work that attracts so many people in order to come here and talk about their everyday life with him. He simply told that they just need a person to symphetize with them and pretend to understand their condition. Second, the good relations can assist us in gaining success and reaching our future goals. Decent behavior and smart attitude in connecting with other people can present us to them so deeply in the first impression that they may not pay so much attention to our other poor characteristics which may keep us from reaching our dreams. These connections can also help us to improve in our career and may provide us with the chance to meet with top level individuals in our area much faster that can play the role of shortcut route for us. For instance, I really tried to be a singer but sadly I never had the chance. But, when i met a famous singer in a concert where my friend invited me, i had the chance to show myself. In conclusion, having a good relationship with other persons in your work or any other place is so much important than any other thing. It can help you in achieving your needs so fastly. Also, it may help you to foul others about your personality and show them whatever they like to see in us. So, it is beneficial to work on our social skills sometimes too.
Every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
during his life to achieve more goals and become successful. Beside that setting a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
relationship with others seems to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
too.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
graduating from a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
school and working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
during college time can lead them toward success. While, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
feel that
generally
bonding and
Possible spelling mistake found.
craeting
a well-organized relation with others can benefit them more. In my view, I believe that the ability to relate is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
crucial in any occupation for two reasons.

First
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like to connect with individuals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
share the sense of
Possible spelling mistake found.
emphaty
with others and
Possible spelling mistake found.
mak
social bonds
easily
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, if you have a satisfactory ability of relating with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
peers in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
atmosphere or with the customers in your job, you may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them for longer time even if they found you not smart
Possible spelling mistake found.
enogh
in your expertise.
For example
, four years ago,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
had a friend Jimmy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
worked at a restaurant bar where he served drinks for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. He always
The pronoun 'He' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "tries", "tried".
try
to remember his customers and
mostly
whom which seem to be regular attendants.
Also
, he
normally
spoke
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
friendly with them and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
himself as an open
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
like to listen to their sad or exhausting stories. This actually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
the bar to increase the number of its customers
Possible spelling mistake found.
substantionaly
. The manager asked him about the secret of his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
that attracts
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
here and talk about their everyday life with him. He
simply
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
that they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
need a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
symphetize
with them and pretend to understand their condition.

Second, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
relations can assist us in gaining success and reaching our future goals. Decent behavior and smart attitude in connecting with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can present us to them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
deeply
in the
first
impression that they may not pay
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
attention to our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
poor characteristics which may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
us from reaching our dreams. These connections can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
in our career and may provide us with the chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
with
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
top level
individuals in our area
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
faster that can play the role of shortcut route for us.
For instance
, I
really
tried to be a singer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
sadly
I never had the chance.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, when
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
met a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
singer in a concert where my friend invited me,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
had the chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
myself.

In conclusion
, having a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
relationship with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
persons
in your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
or any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
place is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
thing. It can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
you in achieving your needs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
Possible spelling mistake found.
fastly
.
Also
, it may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
you to foul others about your personality and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
them whatever they like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
in us.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it is beneficial to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
on our social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
too.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12Mistakes

IELTS essay for success in future job and life the ability to relate well to people is more important than studying hard at school? give specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 752

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
473 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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