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TPO13-Q3The woman expresses her opinion about the university’s plan. State her opinion and explain the reasons she gives for holding that opinion. v.1

TPO13-Q3The woman expresses her opinion about the university’s plan. State her opinion and explain the reasons she gives for holding that opinion. v. 1
In my opinion, men and women should have the same opportunity in education. However, I completely disagree with the suggestion that universities should receive an equal proportion of genders in every major. In my essay, I will show the examples to prove this issue. Equal numbers of male and female in every field seem to be unrealistic. If universities want to have the same number of each gender, it depends on the number of applications they receive. If they don't have enough applicants, it is difficult to fill in the number of students of each gender in order to have same proportion. Moreover, there are many subjects that are more popular with one gender than the other. For example, nursing course tends to attract more girls and not many boys pursued it as their major. In contrast, it is hard to find some female students in the engineering field. In addition, universities should continue to select the best candidates for each course according to their qualifications. In this way, both men and women have the same opportunities, and applicants know that they will be successful if they work hard to achieve good grades at school. If a female student is the best candidate for a place on a course, it would be wrong to reject her in favour of a male student with lower grades or fewer qualifications. In conclusion, the selection of university students should be based on merit, and it would be both impractical and unfair to change to a selection procedure based on gender.
In my opinion,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women should have the same opportunity in education.
However
, I completely disagree with the suggestion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
should receive an equal proportion of genders in every major. In my essay, I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the examples to prove this issue.

Equal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
numbers
of male and female in every field seem to be unrealistic. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
want to have the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of each gender, it depends on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of applications they receive. If they don't have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
applicants, it is difficult to fill in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
of each gender in order to have same
Possible agreement error -- use past participle here: "proportioned".
proportion
.
Moreover
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
subjects that are more popular with one gender than the other.
For example
, nursing course tends to attract more girls and not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
boys pursued it as their major.
In contrast
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to find
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in the engineering field.

In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
should continue to select the best candidates for each course according to their qualifications.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
this way, both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women have the same opportunities, and applicants know that they will be successful if they work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to achieve
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
grades at school. If a female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
is the best candidate for a place on a course, it would be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
to reject her in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of a male
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
with lower grades or fewer qualifications.

In conclusion
, the selection of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should
be based
on merit, and it would be both impractical and unfair to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
to a selection procedure based on gender.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO13-Q3The woman expresses her opinion about the university’s plan. State her opinion and explain the reasons she gives for holding that opinion. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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