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TPO11-Q2: Some people think that children should be allowed to watch whatever television programs they choose to. Others think that parents should exercise control over the television programs their children watch. Which do you agree with? v.1

TPO11-Q2: Some people think that children should be allowed to watch whatever television programs they choose to. Others think that parents should exercise control over the television programs their children watch. Which do you agree with? v. 1
The majority of the people think that, having the abundant money and less free time is the best way to spend a life. However, some think that, earning enough money and investing more time for life is another way of living the leisure life. In my opinion, both points have their own positive as well as negative aspects, but spending more quality spells with enough money is always better in order to find satisfaction in life. To begin with, money in the form of the cash or property balances the lives in every-way. The life will be more stress free, if we have a huge amount of cash to buy anything we want or just simply spend on normal things such as, cloths, shoes, designer jewelry etc. However, on the other side of the coin, we should accept that there will be less time for family and friends, which is sometimes critical to handle when it comes to the personal relations or family level. This statement can be understood clearly by this example, according to a survey reported in the Times journal about the rich people’s life and its state, that 37% of rich families have poor family relations due to less leisure time with their loved once. Nevertheless, the people who really love to give their maximum time in order to enjoy their relations with less income result in satisfying life too. But, sometimes or most of the times they have to compromise their life in term of shopping, luxurious things, home, cars, bikes and cloths etc. Let’s review an example, the television and media company Sony interviewed around 500 middle class families in their show named leisure. They have been asked several questions about money-life and satisfaction index, and then they came to conclude that, the people were so happy with enough money and they really do enjoy their relations and family time. In conclusion, money cannot buy the happiness and healthy relations which clearly expounds that, earning lower income and enjoying more time with loved ones is always better than the more money and less free time.
The majority of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that, having the abundant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is the best way to spend a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that, earning
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and investing more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is another way of living the leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. In my opinion, both points have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
Probable usage error. Use "and" after 'both'.
as well as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspects,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
spending more quality spells with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is always better in order to find satisfaction in life.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in the form of the cash or property balances the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in every-way. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
will be more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
free, if we have a huge amount of cash to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
anything we want or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
simply
spend on normal things such as, cloths, shoes, designer jewelry etc.
However
, on the other side of the coin, we should accept that there will be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and friends, which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
critical to handle when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to the personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relations
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
level. This statement can
be understood
clearly
by this example, according to a survey reported in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Times
journal about the rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and its state, that 37% of rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
have poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relations
due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
once.

Nevertheless
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to give their maximum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in order to enjoy their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relations
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
income result in satisfying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
too.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
or most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
compromise their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
in term of shopping, luxurious things, home, cars, bikes and cloths etc.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
’s review an example, the television and media
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
Sony interviewed around 500 middle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
named leisure. They have
been asked
several questions about money-life and satisfaction index, and then they came
to conclude
that, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
happy with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
money and
they
really
do enjoy their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relations
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
time.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
the happiness and healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relations
which
clearly
expounds that, earning lower income and enjoying more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones is always better than the more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay TPO11-Q2: Some people think that children should be allowed to watch whatever television programs they choose to. Others think that parents should exercise control over the television programs their children watch. Which do you agree with? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
350 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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