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How often do you use a map? Did you learn how to use a map when you were younger? Which one is better? electronic map or paper map? In a city, did you ask others for direction? v.1

How often do you use a map? Did you learn how to use a map when you were younger? Which one is better? electronic map or paper map? In a city, did you ask others for direction? v. 1
In the present years, people are seen to prefer buying from a big shopping complex, which has resulted in the shutting down of small shops. Albeit there are some downsides to this trend, in my view, it offers an overall positive development. To embark upon, the closing of small stores has resulted in the increase of problem of unemployment among the people as many persons, who were previously working in these shops, face a lot of difficulty in finding jobs in the big cities. For instance, according to a research by a popular magazine, it can be seen that due to opening up of large malls the unemployment rate of less literate population has increased to a larger extent as these places only recruit qualified staff. Moreover, the local retailers are engaged in selling home made as well as hand made products from small scale factories, and with the advent of the Megastores, these factories are on the verge of closure because of shifting of consumer’s focus to large retails. On the contrary, these large shopping centers have various benefits for the shoppers. Firstly, these stores are convenient as the buyers do not have to go to different locations so as to buy the products of his daily needs. To illustrate, the mega malls provide thousands of varieties of each and every product which makes shopping more feasible for the purchaser. Secondly, the shoppers can save a lot of money as there are a lot discounts offered by these complexes, thus, making shopping more pocket friendly for the consumer. Last but not the least, these stores save time of the customers as well because of the easy availability of things at one place. To conclude, although there are some disadvantages of the big shopping areas, however, they provide more convenience to the customers in terms of money and time as compared to the small local shops. Thus, it is a positive phenomenon.
In the present years,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
to prefer buying from a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
complex, which has resulted in the shutting down of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
shops. Albeit there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
downsides to this trend, in my view, it offers an
overall
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development.

To embark upon, the closing of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
stores has resulted in the increase of problem of unemployment among the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
persons, who were previously working in these shops, face
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
difficulty in finding jobs in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
cities.
For instance
, according to
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
a research
by a popular magazine, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that due to opening up of large malls the unemployment rate of less literate population has increased to a larger extent as these places
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
recruit qualified staff.
Moreover
, the local retailers
are engaged
in selling home made
as well
as hand made products from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
scale factories, and with the advent of the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Megastores
, these factories are on the verge of closure
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of shifting of consumer’s focus to large retails.

On the contrary
, these large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
centers have various benefits for the shoppers.
Firstly
, these stores are convenient as the buyers do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
go to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
locations
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
the products of his daily needs. To illustrate, the mega malls provide thousands of varieties of each and every product which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
more feasible for the purchaser.
Secondly
, the shoppers can save
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money as there are
If you mean a great quantity, use "a lot of discounts"?
a lot discounts
offered by these complexes,
thus
, making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
more pocket friendly for the consumer. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not the least, these stores save time of the customers
as well
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the easy availability of things at one place.

To conclude
, although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
areas,
however
, they provide more convenience to the customers in terms of money and time as compared to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
local shops.
Thus
, it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
phenomenon.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages know nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay How often do you use a map? Did you learn how to use a map when you were younger? Which one is better? electronic map or paper map? In a city, did you ask others for direction? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
322 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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