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What kind of weather do you generally prefer? Is sometimes weather makes you feel different? Do you talk about weather with your friends? Would you like to visit a place that is extremely hot or extremely cold? v.1

What kind of weather do you generally prefer? Is sometimes weather makes you feel different? Do you talk about weather with your friends? Would you like to visit a place that is extremely hot or extremely cold? v. 1
Nowadays, the question of whether extreme sports, like sky diving or skiing, should be banned or not has been receiving a great deal of public attention. I completely disagree with the opinion of prohibiting extreme sports. Extreme sports are not as so dangerous as it seems to be. To begin with, since there are a number of regulations, procedures and safety measures ensuring little risks while participating in these sports. In other words, the proliferation of protective equipment, such as helmets or particular play area for beginners, provide participants with minimum fatal situations. Furthermore, by regulating and requiring specific training and preparation courses in terms of a particular sport, people can equip themselves with relevant and adequate qualifications in order to do these sports safely. This means that players would enjoy their activities rather be afraid of them. In addition, it would be wrong to ban these sports as well as difficult to enforce a ban. Firstly, people have a right to enjoy themselves and freedom of choice. In fact, people are likely to give a try on such unfamiliar and risky things, which rewards them a sense of accomplishment. For example, it is true that some people want to experience an extreme game just once in life. Secondly, if extreme sports are prohibited, who will decide which sports should be? This may lead to a misconception about sports generally, limiting people from various and diverse recreational activities as well. In conclusion, I believe that people should be allowed to involve in sports whether their characteristics are dangerous or not, and the approval or rejection decisions should be dependent on players. By improving equipment and providing training classes serious problems could be minimized.
Nowadays,
Wordiness: Consider shortening this phrase.
the question of whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, like
Did you mean "skydiving"?
sky diving
or skiing, should
be banned
or not has been receiving a great deal of public attention. I completely disagree with the opinion of prohibiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extreme
sports.

Extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are not as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
as it seems to be. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, since there are a number of regulations, procedures and safety measures ensuring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
while participating in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
In other words
, the proliferation of protective equipment, such as helmets or particular play area for beginners, provide participants with minimum fatal situations.
Furthermore
, by regulating and requiring specific training and preparation courses in terms of a particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can equip themselves with relevant and adequate qualifications in order to do these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
safely
. This means that players would enjoy their activities
rather
be afraid of them.

In addition
, it would be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
to ban these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
as well
as difficult to enforce a ban.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a right to enjoy themselves and freedom of choice. In fact,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are likely to give a try on such unfamiliar and risky things, which rewards them a sense of accomplishment.
For example
, it is true that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to experience an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extreme
game
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
once in life.
Secondly
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are prohibited
, who will decide which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
should be? This may lead to a misconception about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
generally
, limiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from various and diverse recreational activities
as well
.

In conclusion
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to involve in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
whether their characteristics are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
or not, and the approval or rejection decisions should be dependent on players. By improving equipment and providing training classes serious problems could
be minimized
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay What kind of weather do you generally prefer? Is sometimes weather makes you feel different? Do you talk about weather with your friends? Would you like to visit a place that is extremely hot or extremely cold? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
283 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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