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Some people think that children should be allowed to watch waterer television programs they choose to. Others think that parents should exercise control over the television programs their children watch. Which do you agree with? Explain why. v.1

Some people think that children should be allowed to watch waterer television programs they choose to. Others think that parents should exercise control over the television programs their children watch. Which do you agree with? Explain why. v. 1
People can predict from history that there were less incidents of violence under female leadership as compared to male leadership. I wholeheartedly agree with the opinion that female leaderships are better in comparison and ought to be given more chances than males to overcome these issues. To begin with, leadership requires patience and commitment which many females definitely have. Women in general believe in peaceful discussions and they are really good at discussion, whether it be at home or in a political meeting. For instance, females run their houses in an amazing way. They do all the household work, take care of kids and be a boss at home when needed. They finish all their tasks and never back out from any missions when it comes to holding a family together. I believe that same applies to the management of a small company or a big country because they always try to be patient and committed to their work. While men believe in power and how to use it on others, women believe in using that power in a more positive way to help people. Where males like to set the rules for punishment against the violence, females on the other hand, believe in correcting the cause of violence. There are, for instance, many agencies out there which are run by females that help poor kids on the streets and teach them how to be more civilized. Not only this, but giving those kids an opportunity to earn money and live a decent life too. Thus females are always one step ahead when it comes to leadership with peace. In conclusion, I totally agree with the fact that females are known to be better at leadership than males when it comes to overcome violence and conflict. Hopefully, in future females will be given more chances than males to rule higher management.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
can predict from history that there were
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun incidents is countable.
less
incidents of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
under
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leadership
as compared to male
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leadership
. I
wholeheartedly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leaderships
are better
in comparison
and ought to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
more chances than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
to overcome these issues.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leadership
requires patience and commitment which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
definitely have. Women
in general
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
in peaceful
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
discussions and
they are
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
at discussion, whether it be at home or in a political meeting.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
run their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
Consider replacing "in an amazing way" with the adverb for "amazing"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an amazing way
. They do all the household work, take care of kids and be a boss at home when needed. They finish all their tasks and never back out from any missions when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to holding a family together. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that same
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
applies to
the management of a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
or a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
country
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they always try to be patient and committed to their work.

While
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
in power and how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it on others, women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
in using that power in a more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. Where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
like to set the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
for punishment against the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
on the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
in correcting the cause of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
. There are,
for instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
agencies out there which
are run
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
poor kids on the streets and teach them how to be more civilized. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
giving those kids an opportunity to earn money and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a decent life too.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
are always one step ahead when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leadership
with peace.

In conclusion
, I
totally
Consider using "agree that".
agree with the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
are known
to be better at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leadership
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to overcome
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
and conflict.
Hopefully
, in future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
more chances than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
higher management.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that children should be allowed to watch waterer television programs they choose to. Others think that parents should exercise control over the television programs their children watch. Which do you agree with? Explain why. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
311 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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