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Do you like the place you live now? Do you know many people live near you? Is your living area a good place for family with children? v.1

Do you like the place you live now? Do you know many people live near you? Is your living area a good place for family with children? v. 1
To some persons, wealth is most essential because it gives one the chance to help others. However, because of the unappreciative nature of most individuals, I disagree with this opinion. I believe that the primary use of wealth should be for one's responsibilities. Certain people only regard affluent individuals when they help others. For example, in some communities, only rich people who assist societal members with their riches. They believe that when such opulent persons are in need, their good deed will speak for them. Hence, even in our different places of worship, people are advised to aid others as that is the most regarded use of affluence. However, most individuals are ungrateful. For instance, in 2003, a very wealthy man who always helped people in my community took ill. He spent most of his money but still could not get cured. His wife and children asked most community members for financial help but very few were forthcoming. Finally, he died. People whom he had invested in failed him. Therefore, I think providing the comforts of life for oneself and family is more important than assisting others. This includes good education for children or helping them start business as the case may be, nice vacations, quality Healthcare and adequate saving. This way, prosperity is retained in the family and fund is saved for unexpected events instead of relying on people who may disappoint you. In conclusion, helping people is nice but due to the ingratitude shown by most persons, I believe that the most rational thing to do with one's wealth is to invest in oneself and family.
To
some
persons, wealth is most essential
because
it gives one the chance to
help
others.
However
,
because
of the unappreciative nature of most individuals, I disagree with this opinion. I believe that the primary
use
of wealth should be for one's responsibilities.

Certain
people
only
regard affluent individuals when they
help
others.
For example
, in
some
communities,
only
rich
people
who assist societal members with their riches. They believe that when such opulent persons are in need, their
good
deed will speak for them.
Hence
, even in our
different
places of worship,
people
are advised
to aid others as
that is
the most regarded
use
of affluence.

However
, most individuals are ungrateful.
For instance
, in 2003, a
very
wealthy
man
who always
helped
people
in my community took ill. He spent most of his money
but
still
could not
get
cured. His wife and children asked most community members for financial
help
but
very
few were forthcoming.
Finally
, he
died
.
People
whom he had invested in failed him.
Therefore
, I
think
providing the comforts of life for oneself and family is more
important
than assisting others. This includes
good
education for children or helping them
start
business as the case may be, nice vacations, quality Healthcare and adequate saving. This way, prosperity
is retained
in the family and fund
is saved
for unexpected
events
instead
of relying on
people
who may disappoint you.

In conclusion
, helping
people
is nice
but
due to the ingratitude shown by most persons, I believe that the most rational thing to do with one's wealth is to invest in oneself and family.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Do you like the place you live now? Do you know many people live near you? Is your living area a good place for family with children? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
268 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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