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TPO11, Task2: Some people think that children should be allowed to watch whatever television programs they choose to. Others think that parents should exercise control over the television programs their children watch. Which do you agree with? Explain why. v.1

TPO11, Task2: Some people think that children should be allowed to watch whatever television programs they choose to. Others think that parents should exercise control over the television programs their children watch. Which do you agree with? Explain why. v. 1
It is commonly observed in many countries around the world that natural beauty landscapes have been severely affected by rising populations and emerging city centres. Preserving these natural habitats not only has a positive effect on people’s mental and physical well being but also strengthens the countries’ economy. These natural spots can be saved by raising awareness in public and making laws to protect them. It is a well-known fact that the people who live near to nature are often found mentally and physically sound. This is because nature has always had a calm and soothing effect on the human brain, which reduces depression and stress levels and ultimately improving physical health as well. This is the reason that most of the doctors and therapists recommend their patients to change their environment by visiting a place which is near to nature, so that they can heal better by relaxing their mind and body. Moreover, preserving natural beauty spots also benefits the economy of a country. There are countries that have boosted their economy through tourism. These natural landscapes attract tourists from all over the world, which bring a sizeable amount of foreign exchange to a country’s foreign reserves. Hence, boosting the economic growth of the country. As far as saving these natural beauty places is concerned. Raising awareness in public can actually make a difference. People should be made aware about the benefits of having natural habitats in their environment so that they can urge the government to recognize these places as a national treasure and make laws which prevent urbanization from destroying this national treasure. For instance, in several parts of the world, countries have acknowledged their natural beauty spots as their national heritage sites and legislated laws, which prohibit urbanization from affecting any of these sites in the country. In conclusion, natural beauty places benefit people not only mentally and physically but economically as well. And they can be saved by creating awareness in public and having laws to protect them from emerging city centres.
It is
commonly
observed in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
around the world that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
beauty
landscapes have been
severely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by rising populations and emerging city
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
. Preserving these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
habitats not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
mental and physical
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
strengthens the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries’
economy. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
spots can
be saved
by raising awareness in public and making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
to protect them.

It is a well-known fact that
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
near to nature are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
found mentally and
physically
sound. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
nature has always had a calm and soothing effect on the human brain, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
depression and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
levels and
ultimately
improving physical health
as well
. This is the reason that most of the doctors and therapists recommend their patients to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their environment by visiting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
which is near to nature,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can heal better by relaxing their mind and body.
Moreover
, preserving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
beauty
spots
also
benefits the economy of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. There are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
that have boosted their economy through tourism. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
landscapes attract tourists from all over the world, which bring a sizeable amount of foreign exchange to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
foreign reserves.
Hence
, boosting the economic growth of the country.

“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
far as saving these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
beauty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
is concerned
. Raising awareness in public can actually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a difference.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
should
be made
aware about the benefits of having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
habitats in their environment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can urge the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to recognize these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
as a national treasure and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
urbanization from destroying this national treasure.
For instance
, in several parts of the world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have acknowledged their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
beauty
spots as their national heritage sites and legislated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
, which prohibit urbanization from affecting any of these sites in the country.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
beauty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
benefit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
mentally and
physically
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
economically
as well
. And they can
be saved
by creating awareness in public and having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
to protect them from emerging city
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay TPO11, Task2: Some people think that children should be allowed to watch whatever television programs they choose to. Others think that parents should exercise control over the television programs their children watch. Which do you agree with? Explain why. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
337 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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