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Some people think children should be allowed to watch whatever television programs they choose to. Others think that parents should exercise control over the television programs their children watch. Which do you agree with? Explain why? v.1

Some people think children should be allowed to watch whatever television programs they choose to. Others think that parents should exercise control over the television programs their children watch. Which do you agree with? Explain why? v. 1
Computer technologies have changed the way people live over the recent years. It is not unlikely that not only a number of adult people will work from home, but also many children will study from home because computer technology is getting cheaper and become more accessible around the world. In my opinion, this new trend is a negative development which can lead to the lower level of productivity as well as isolation. First of all, one serious problem that can arise from adults working at home is that it can lead to decrease the productivity of working adults. The reason is that people, who work from their home, can be easily distracted by home atmosphere, which is less formal. For example, if adults employed have a child, they would not perform well in the home environment due to the parental care for the child. Thus, it is likely that parental roles can lower their productivity. Another issue is that learning at home for children rather than at school is not useful for their development. The main reason is that the school environment can play an important role in the socialization of children. For instance, unless classes are taught at school, children make hardly friends. In other words, the school environment helps children make friends, and socialize them. Thus, the distance education is not beneficial for the socialization of pupils. In conclusion, computer technologies are changing the nature of working as well as the basic education. In my opinion, distance-working and distance learning is a negative development because it will likely result in the decrease in the level of productivity, and also prevent children from making new friends.
Computer technologies have
changed
the way
people
live
over the recent years. It is not unlikely that not
only
a number of adult
people
will work from home,
but
also
many
children
will study from home
because
computer technology is getting cheaper and become more accessible around the world. In my opinion, this new trend is a
negative
development which can lead to the lower level of productivity
as well
as isolation.

First of all
, one serious problem that can arise from
adults
working at home is that it can lead to decrease the productivity of working
adults
. The reason is that
people
, who work from their home, can be
easily
distracted by home atmosphere, which is less formal.
For example
, if
adults
employed have a child, they would not perform well in the home environment due to the parental care for the child.
Thus
, it is likely that parental roles can lower their productivity.

Another issue is that learning at home for
children
rather
than at
school
is not useful for their development. The main reason is that the
school
environment can play an
important
role in the socialization of
children
.
For instance
, unless classes
are taught
at
school
,
children
make
hardly friends.
In other words
, the
school
environment
helps
children
make
friends, and socialize them.
Thus
, the distance education is not beneficial for the socialization of pupils.

In conclusion
, computer technologies are changing the nature of working
as well
as the basic education. In my opinion, distance-working and distance learning is a
negative
development
because
it will likely result in the decrease in the level of productivity, and
also
prevent
children
from making new friends.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think children should be allowed to watch whatever television programs they choose to. Others think that parents should exercise control over the television programs their children watch. Which do you agree with? Explain why? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
277 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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