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Some people think children should be allowed to watch whatever television programs they choose to. Others think that parents should exercise control over the television programs their children watch. Which do you agree with? Explain why? v.1

Some people think children should be allowed to watch whatever television programs they choose to. Others think that parents should exercise control over the television programs their children watch. Which do you agree with? Explain why? v. 1
Computer technologies have changed the way people live over the recent years. It is not unlikely that not only a number of adult people will work from home, but also many children will study from home because computer technology is getting cheaper and become more accessible around the world. In my opinion, this new trend is a negative development which can lead to the lower level of productivity as well as isolation. First of all, one serious problem that can arise from adults working at home is that it can lead to decrease the productivity of working adults. The reason is that people, who work from their home, can be easily distracted by home atmosphere, which is less formal. For example, if adults employed have a child, they would not perform well in the home environment due to the parental care for the child. Thus, it is likely that parental roles can lower their productivity. Another issue is that learning at home for children rather than at school is not useful for their development. The main reason is that the school environment can play an important role in the socialization of children. For instance, unless classes are taught at school, children make hardly friends. In other words, the school environment helps children make friends, and socialize them. Thus, the distance education is not beneficial for the socialization of pupils. In conclusion, computer technologies are changing the nature of working as well as the basic education. In my opinion, distance-working and distance learning is a negative development because it will likely result in the decrease in the level of productivity, and also prevent children from making new friends.
Computer technologies have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the way
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
over the recent years. It is not unlikely that not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a number of adult
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will work from home,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will study from home
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
computer technology is getting cheaper and become more accessible around the world. In my opinion, this new trend is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development which can lead to the lower level of productivity
as well
as isolation.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, one serious problem that can arise from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
working at home is that it can lead to decrease the productivity of working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
. The reason is that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, who work from their home, can be
easily
distracted by home atmosphere, which is less formal.
For example
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
employed have a child, they would not perform well in the home environment due to the parental care for the child.
Thus
, it is likely that parental roles can lower their productivity.

Another issue is that learning at home for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
rather
than at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is not useful for their development. The main reason is that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
environment can play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in the socialization of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
For instance
, unless classes
are taught
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
hardly friends.
In other words
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
environment
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
friends, and socialize them.
Thus
, the distance education is not beneficial for the socialization of pupils.

In conclusion
, computer technologies are changing the nature of working
as well
as the basic education. In my opinion, distance-working and distance learning is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it will likely result in the decrease in the level of productivity, and
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from making new friends.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Learn a new language and get a new soul.
Czech Proverb

IELTS essay Some people think children should be allowed to watch whatever television programs they choose to. Others think that parents should exercise control over the television programs their children watch. Which do you agree with? Explain why? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
277 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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