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TPO11_ Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Some people say that the Internet provides people with a lot of valuable information. Others think access to much information creates problems. Which view do you agree with? Use specific reasons v.1

TPO11_ Some people say that the Internet provides people with a lot of valuable information. Others think access to much information creates problems. Which view do you agree with? Use specific reasons v. 1
Restriction of movement in a particular period in the night is enforced on young adults except they are followed by a grown up in some areas of the US. In my own opinion, it is highly necessary for this to take place in order to ensure safety of young ones and also to curb crime rates. Firstly, enforcement of curfew for young adults helps to prevent high incidence of crime rates. In other words, offences are mostly committed during the wee hours of the night, if they are left unsupervised, there is a very high tendency that they might fall into bad groups, make friends which will influence them to committing grievous crimes. To exemplify, a certain group of teenagers in London high school was reportedly performing poorly in their studies after a thorough investigation, it was revealed that these sets of students usually go out every night to rob unsuspecting neighbours of their belongings. This habit would have been curbed if these children were properly supervised by their parents. Furthermore, teenagers should not be left unsupervised at night for their own safety. To put it another way, evil people lure around at night if they see a youngster unattended to, they might be kidnapped, raped and even murdered. Hence, it should be overemphasized that no teenager should be left unattended to at odd hours of the night by their parents. There was a case of a 13 year old teenage girl in Manhattan who snuck out of her house to meet up with friends for a party she did not arrive at the venue as she was kidnapped, raped and killed by a man who offered to give her a ride. This boils down to adults monitoring the movements of their young ones at all times and especially at dark times. To conclude, in order to preserve the lives of these youngsters, adult supervision is highly necessary to ensure safety and reduce crime rates among them.
Restriction of movement in a particular period in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
night
is enforced
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
except they
are followed
by a grown up in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
areas of the US. In my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
opinion, it is
highly
necessary for this to take place in order to ensure safety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
ones and
also
to curb
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rates.

Firstly
, enforcement of curfew for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
high incidence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rates.
In other words
,
Possible spelling mistake. 'offences' is British English.
offences
are
mostly
committed during the wee hours of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
night
, if they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
unsupervised, there is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
high tendency that they might fall into
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
groups,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
friends which will influence them to committing grievous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
. To exemplify, a certain group of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
in London high school was reportedly performing
poorly
in their studies after a thorough investigation, it
was revealed
that these sets of students
usually
go out every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
night
to rob unsuspecting
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
of their belongings. This habit would have
been curbed
if these children were
properly
supervised by their parents.

Furthermore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
should not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
unsupervised at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
night
for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
safety. To put it another way, evil
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
lure around at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
night
if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
a youngster unattended to, they might
be kidnapped
, raped and even murdered.
Hence
, it should
be overemphasized
that no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
unattended to at odd hours of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
night
by their parents. There was a case of a 13 year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
teenage girl in Manhattan who snuck out of her
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
up with friends for a party she did not arrive at the venue as she
was kidnapped
, raped and killed by a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
who offered to give her a ride. This boils down to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
monitoring the movements of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
ones at all times and
especially
at dark times.

To conclude
, in order to preserve the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of these youngsters, adult supervision is
highly
necessary to ensure safety and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rates among them.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO11_ Some people say that the Internet provides people with a lot of valuable information. Others think access to much information creates problems. Which view do you agree with? Use specific reasons v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
327 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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