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TPO 11- Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Some people say that the Internet provides people with a lot of valuable information. Others think access to much information creates problems. Which view do you agree with? Use specific reason v.1

TPO 11- Some people say that the Internet provides people with a lot of valuable information. Others think access to much information creates problems. Which view do you agree with? Use specific reason v. 1
Holidays is the right of every employee, however, adopting longer holidays approach by employers to boost productivity of employees will ensure outperforming in business. I agree with the given assertion on the basis of some compelling reasons. Long leaves should be considered as an integral part of the work life. Prolonged holidays are a good way to relieve the pains of the hectic lifestyles of workplaces. Since many employees suffer from work-related stress, which stems partly from ever-increasing workload, going away from the hung volume of tensions in work environments for a long time is likely to help workers block their worries out and start fresh. Then, not only does this lead to increase their productivity levels, but it also keeps them ahead at work. On the other hands, long-term vocations are likely to be helpful to achieve the work- life balance. To put it differently, staff can be able to spend more time focusing on their health, family and other interests which can lead to a happier life for them. For instance, there are 13 holidays at the beginning of the New Year in Iran country; nearly most of workplaces become close and employees can get the chance to enjoy their time as they please. It seems that these off days will make them more motivated for staring again work. So employers should consider that if they want to have more efficient employees, they should place as much importance in their work life of staff as their personal life. In conclusion, in my opinion, employers can keep their employees motivated to do their job well by giving long leaves which this has knock-effects on balancing their lives and gain more productivity.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Holidays
is the right of every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
,
however
, adopting longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holidays
approach by employers to boost productivity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
will ensure outperforming in business. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
assertion on the basis of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
compelling reasons.

Long
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
should
be considered
as an integral part of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Prolonged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holidays
are a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way to relieve the pains of the hectic lifestyles of workplaces. Since
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
suffer from work-related
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
, which stems partly from ever-increasing workload, going away from the hung volume of tensions in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
environments for a long time is likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
workers block their worries out and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
fresh. Then, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
does this lead to increase their productivity levels,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
them ahead at work.

On the other hands, long-term vocations are likely to be helpful to achieve the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work-
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
balance. To put it
differently
, staff can be able to spend more time focusing on their health, family and other interests which can lead to a happier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
for them.
For instance
, there are 13
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holidays
at the beginning of the New Year in Iran country;
nearly
After 'most of', you should use 'the' ("most of the workplaces") or simply say "most workplaces".
most of workplaces
become close and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the chance to enjoy their time as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
please
. It seems that these off days will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them more motivated for staring again
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
employers should consider that if they want to have more efficient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
, they should place as much importance in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
of staff as their personal life.

In conclusion
, in my opinion, employers can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
motivated to do their job well by giving long
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
which this has knock-effects on balancing their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and gain more productivity.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay TPO 11- Some people say that the Internet provides people with a lot of valuable information. Others think access to much information creates problems. Which view do you agree with? Use specific reason v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
282 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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