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Write a letter to your friend. In your letter, •give details of your study plans•explain why you want to get a part-time job•suggest how your friend could help you find a job v.3

Write a letter to your friend. In your letter, •give details of your study plans•explain why you want to get a part-time job•suggest how your friend could help you find a job v. 3
There is an ongoing debate on punishing teenagers the same way like how adults are punished for their crimes. Therefore, I strongly disagree to this statement that teenagers should be punished in the same manner. In this essay I will discuss why I don’t agree to the above statement. Many people think that punishment should be same for all. For example, treating young children and adult criminals in the same manner whether it is a minor or major crime. Moreover, it is a bad idea to treat people the same way. However, if one has done a minor crime like stealing something from a shop, he can be advised not to do in the future rather than punishing him. Or one can just threaten him. Thus, it will make him feel that what he has done is wrong and he will not repeat that in future. On the other hand, it is always the best idea to punish adult criminals who have committed a crime like murder. These people should not only be punished instead they should be treated with the lethal injection. For instance, in China there is a law that whoever commits a major crime like murdering someone he should be given a lethal injection. Therefore, the crimes will be limited in the fear of lethal injection. To conclude, I strongly disagree that young children should be given the same punishment because they are teenagers and if people make them understand in a pleasant manner they will not commit any crime in the future. Whereas in the case of adult criminal it is the opposite, meaning they should be severely punished.
There is an ongoing debate on punishing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
the same way
Comparison is written 'the same ... "as"'.
like
how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punished
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
.
Therefore
, I
strongly
disagree to this statement that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punished
in the same manner. In this essay I will discuss why I don’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to the above statement.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that punishment should be same for all.
For example
, treating young children and adult criminals in the same manner whether it is a minor or major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
.
Moreover
, it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to treat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
the same way.
However
, if one has done a minor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
like stealing something from a shop, he can
be advised
not to do in the future
rather
than punishing him. Or one can
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
threaten him.
Thus
, it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
him feel that what he has done is
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
wrong and
he will not repeat that
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
.

On the other hand
, it is always the best
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to punish adult criminals who have committed a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
like murder. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punished
instead
they should
be treated
with the lethal injection.
For instance
, in China there is a law that whoever commits a major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
like murdering someone he should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a lethal injection.
Therefore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
will
be limited
in the fear of lethal injection.

To conclude
, I
strongly
disagree that young children should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the same punishment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
and if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them understand
Consider replacing "in a pleasant manner" with the adverb for "pleasant"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a pleasant manner
they will not commit any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
in the future. Whereas in the case of adult criminal it is the opposite, meaning they should be
severely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punished
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages knows nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay Write a letter to your friend. In your letter, •give details of your study plans•explain why you want to get a part-time job•suggest how your friend could help you find a job v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
273 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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