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TPO (S6-Q2): Some people have one career throughout their lives. Other people do different kinds of work at different points in their lives. Which do you think is better? Explain why. v.1

TPO (S6-Q2): Some people have one career throughout their lives. Other people do different kinds of work at different points in their lives. Which do you think is better? Explain why. v. 1
In the modern era, the growing amount of news and information on television has increased every day. Massive of number, reckon that, lump media select the news, which they will represent on television as well as write in the newspaper. Well, there is a plethora of causes behind this decision, which I will elaborate in upcoming fragments with rational conclusion. Ironically enough, news play a remarkable role in people's life because through this crowd media, folks can know about international affairs, yet, a myriad of reporters are profit minded and they manipulate the news according to their interest, it puts worse influence on dwellers along with, they trust easily ok these types of news. For example, they publish or broadcast whatever they hear about celebrities regardless checking facts first despite knowing that this is an unethical practice. It means that, sometimes news are not reliable. However, many articles are politically influenced and often time, the editors are helping in this case, for instance, while launching any new government scheme, they emphasis merely on those aspects of it, by which their political party can create its vote bank overlooking public interest, finally, the selection of news is also influenced by the interest and concerns of the local public. I reckon that, the old throng media were awarded to people, but nowadays its totally changed because news reporters represent their news for earning money. Thus, it can be inferred that, many factors are put impact on an editor's decision, while publishing any information, if horde media represent real news then people should more aware.
In the modern era, the growing amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
and information on television has increased every day. Massive of number, reckon that, lump
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
select the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
, which they will represent on television
as well
as write in the newspaper. Well, there is a plethora of causes behind this decision, which I will elaborate in upcoming fragments with rational conclusion.

Ironically
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
play a remarkable role in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
through this crowd
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
, folks can know about international affairs,
yet
, a myriad of reporters
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "is"? (Some collective nouns can be treated as both singular and plural, so 'are' is not always incorrect.)
are
profit
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
minded and
they manipulate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
according to their interest, it puts worse influence on dwellers along with, they trust
easily
ok these types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
.
For example
, they publish or broadcast whatever they hear about celebrities regardless checking facts
first
despite knowing that this is an unethical practice. It means that,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
are not reliable.

However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
articles are
politically
influenced and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
time, the editors are helping
in this case
,
for instance
, while launching any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
scheme, they
Did you mean "emphasize" (American English) or "emphasise" (British English)?
emphasis
merely
on those aspects of it, by which their political party can create its vote bank overlooking public interest,
finally
, the selection of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
is
also
influenced by the interest and concerns of the local public.

I reckon that, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
throng
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
were awarded
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
nowadays its
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
reporters represent their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
for earning money.

Thus
, it can
be inferred
that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
factors
are put
impact on an editor's decision, while publishing any information, if horde
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
represent real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
then
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should more aware.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO (S6-Q2): Some people have one career throughout their lives. Other people do different kinds of work at different points in their lives. Which do you think is better? Explain why. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
262 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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