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Describe a member of your family who are very close to you You should say who he she is in what ways you are like him her and explain why you are so close to him her v.1

Describe a member of your family who are very close to you You should say who he she is in what ways you are like him her and explain why you are so close to him her v. 1
With the advent of privatisation and liberalisation age bias is one of the most challenging issues. Partiality on the basis of age appears while a judgement is made about various issues. In business, decisions which are dependent on the age can be seen I hiring/employing new employees. However I opine that discriminating judgement might be tackled by taking some steps. To commence with, it is common that nowadays older employees are replaced by innovative young people in the majority of the multinational companies due to multifarious reasons. First and foremost reason that young generation is techno- savvy. To clarify it, today's generation has completed their studies with the aid technical devices, owing to this, they have a vast amount of knowledge regarding the use of technological gadgets. In order to increase the productivity of the firm. Along with this, youngsters are more active as well as energetic, so, they have the ability to industrialize for long periods of time without taking any break, this thing will definitely help to the company and the employer because it provides the ability to company for doing more work in less time. Moreover, youngster can also perform each and every type of task, whether it's heavy or related to technology, which is much more beneficial for the growth of an industry. However, apart from energy experience is the other key element, to elaborate it, as the older ones have already passed out from every kind of situation in their previous life and they know about the outcomes of every type of idea and or effort. So, to climb up a ladder of success, it is lucrative to hire experienced workers rather than young people, after completion of multiple degrees, masses cannot attain majority as it only comes with the experience. Also, older can teach youngsters about different strategies of production because they are well known for all kinds of circumstances, if young people take/ receive the help of older workers then they can give their best performance in the industry because while doing tasks they can avoid that mistake which their seniors had made. In conclusion, it can be said that discrimination between young and old workers are inappropriate. I personally opine that to solve this problem, it should be made mandatory for all firms to hire equal proportion of both.
With the advent of
Possible spelling mistake. 'privatisation' is British English.
privatisation
and
Possible spelling mistake. 'liberalisation' is British English.
liberalisation
age bias is one of the most challenging issues. Partiality on the basis of age appears while a judgement
is made
about various issues. In business, decisions which are dependent on the age can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
Did you mean "I'm hiring", "I am hiring", or "I was hiring"?
I hiring
/employing new employees.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
I opine that discriminating judgement might
be tackled
by taking
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
steps.

To commence with, it is common that nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
employees
are replaced
by innovative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in the majority of the multinational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
due to multifarious reasons.
First
and foremost reason that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation is techno- savvy. To clarify it,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's generation has completed their studies with the aid technical devices, owing to this, they have a vast amount of knowledge regarding the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of technological gadgets. In order to increase the productivity of the firm. Along with this, youngsters are more active
as well
as energetic,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, they have the ability to industrialize for long periods of time without taking any break, this thing will definitely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
and the employer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it provides the ability to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
for doing more work in less time.
Moreover
, youngster can
also
perform each and every type of task, whether it's heavy or related to technology, which is much more beneficial for the growth of an industry.

However
, apart from energy experience is the other key element, to elaborate it, as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
ones have already passed out from every kind of situation in their previous
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
life and
they know about the outcomes of every type of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
and or effort.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, to climb up a ladder of success, it is lucrative to hire experienced workers
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, after completion of multiple degrees, masses cannot attain majority as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
with the experience.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
can teach youngsters about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
strategies of production
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are well known for all kinds of circumstances, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
take/ receive the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of
Did you mean "older workers than"?
older workers then
they can give their best performance in the industry
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
while doing tasks they can avoid that mistake which their seniors had made.

In conclusion
, it can
be said
that discrimination between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
workers are inappropriate. I
personally
opine that to solve this problem, it should
be made
mandatory for all firms to hire equal proportion of both.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay Describe a member of your family who are very close to you You should say who he she is in what ways you are like him her and explain why you are so close to him her v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
387 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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