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Some people have one career throughout their lives. Other people do different kinds of work at different points in their lives. Which do you think is better? Explain why. v.3

Some people have one career throughout their lives. Other people do different kinds of work at different points in their lives. Which do you think is better? Explain why. v. 3
T. V. Has become a source of entertainment. Some individuals believe that youngsters are spending most of their time to watch television. In this essay, I shall delve into the reasons for this happening and also suggest some of the activities which they should be motivated to do. To set the wheels in motion, there are numerous factors responsible for this. One of the main reasons is that parents consider television as a babysitter. Nowadays, both parents are working, therefore, to complete household work, they switch on the television and put their children in front of it. Hence, children become habitual of it. In addition, in todays era, people prefer a nuclear family as compare to joint family, thus, a child does not find any company to play and starts watching television because of no choice left. Moreover, spending too much time in sitting and watching television can also affect the health of an individual which results in occurrence of various health related problems like obesity, fatigue etc. There could be a number of activities towards which we can encourage children. Parents and teachers should take the onus of this and motivate children to take part in healthy activities. In schools, sports lecture should be there, so that children can learn the importance of games. Parents should act as a role model for their children by staying away from TV and regular picnics should be plan with children, so that they will more involve in outdoor activities. In conclusion, I would like to say that it is the prime responsibility of the parents to divert the mind of their children and indulge them in productive activities so that they do not watch T. V. For whole day.
T. V. Has become a source of entertainment.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
individuals believe that youngsters are spending most of their time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
. In this essay, I shall delve into the reasons for this happening and
also
suggest
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
which they should
be motivated
to do.

To set the wheels in motion, there are numerous factors responsible for this. One of the main reasons is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
consider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
as a babysitter. Nowadays, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are working,
therefore
, to complete household work, they switch on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
and put their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in front of it.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
become habitual of it.
In addition
, in
Possible spelling mistake found.
todays
era,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
prefer a nuclear family as compare to joint family,
thus
, a child does not find any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
to play and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of no choice
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
.
Moreover
, spending too much time in sitting and watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
can
also
affect the health of an individual which results in occurrence of various health related problems like obesity, fatigue etc.

There could be a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
towards which we can encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
and teachers should take the onus of this and motivate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. In schools, sports lecture should be there,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can learn the importance of games.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
should act as a role model for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
by staying away from TV and regular picnics should be
Did you mean "planned"?
plan
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they will more involve in outdoor activities.

In conclusion
, I would like to say that it is the prime responsibility of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to divert the mind of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and indulge them in productive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
T. V. For whole day.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people have one career throughout their lives. Other people do different kinds of work at different points in their lives. Which do you think is better? Explain why. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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