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Some people have one career throughout their lives. Other people different kinds of work at different points in their lives. Which do you think is better? Explain why. v.2

Some people have one career throughout their lives. Other people different kinds of work at different points in their lives. Which do you think is better? Explain why. v. 2
In this era, obesity becomes a severe problem among the society irrespective of age. The main reason for this problem is poor diet and lack of exercise. The possible solution to tackle this issue, implement proper food habit and try to plan a proper time for regular physical workout. The primary reason for obesity is an improper dietary regime. Today, we are living in a busy world, and sometimes people tend to forget to have their meal. Since Fast food is easily available and can easily consume, a significant proportion of people depend these kinds of food for their meal. This tendency increases in these recent years. For Instance, a recent survey conducted by News channel in India state that the number of people having fast food increased by 20% compared to past 3 years statistics. A possible solution for this problem is follow a proper eating plan. It means, implement a good timetable for eating and working, and try to avoid junk food. If we try to include more vegetables and fruits in our diet, it can reduce the chance of obesity. For example, a latest research in China found that consuming more fruits and vegetables helps to reduce the obesity problem. The second solution for this issue is to arrange a good time for regular exercise. To illustrate this, a person taking regular gym less likely to have obesity than one do not do any physical exertion. To conclude, nowadays obesity become a serious issue because of bad diet and less physical workouts. It is very important to follow a good time chart for a meal and exercise to avoid this type of health issues.
In this era, obesity becomes a severe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
among the society irrespective of age. The main reason for this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
is poor diet and lack of exercise. The possible solution to tackle this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
, implement proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
habit and try to plan a proper time for regular physical workout.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
primary reason for obesity is an improper dietary regime.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, we are living in a busy world, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
tend to forget to have their meal. Since
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is
easily
available and can
easily
consume, a significant proportion of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
The verb 'to depend' requires the preposition '(up)on': "depend on".
depend
these kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
for their meal. This tendency increases in these recent years.
For Instance
, a recent survey conducted by News channel in India state that the number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
increased by 20% compared to past 3 years statistics.

A possible solution for this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
is follow a proper eating plan. It means, implement a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
timetable for eating and working, and try to avoid junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. If we try to include more vegetables and fruits in our diet, it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the chance of obesity.
For example
,
Use "the" with the superlative.
a
latest research in China found that consuming more fruits and vegetables
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the obesity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
. The second solution for this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
is to arrange a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
time for regular exercise. To illustrate this, a person taking regular gym less likely to have obesity than one do not do any physical exertion.

To conclude
, nowadays obesity become a serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
diet and less physical workouts. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to follow a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
time chart for a meal and exercise to avoid this type of health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Some people have one career throughout their lives. Other people different kinds of work at different points in their lives. Which do you think is better? Explain why. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
277 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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