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q2/ some people have one career throughout their lives. Other people do different kinds of work at different points in their lives v.1

q2/ some people have one career throughout their lives. Other people do different kinds of work at different points in their lives v. 1
There is no doubt that the majority of the people spend a huge part of their adult life working, and that work contentment is an essential feature of the well being. In my essay, I will discuss some of the factors that influence career fulfilment and also look at how realistic the expectation of satisfaction for all employees. One of the major factors that lead to work satisfaction is higher wages. This is because people will feel satisfied when they know that they are earning a salary that is equivalent to the type of task they are doing, most especially when the task is very demanding. For example, doctors, who work day and night and receiving higher wages may generally feel contented with their duties. However, if the pay of these doctors is much lower, then there could be no satisfaction. As a result, this will in turn affect their performance. The expectation of achievement for all employees is not feasible. This is because most workers often expect very high returns with regards to their jobs they think is satisfying. As a consequence when these expectations are not met, they begin to feel disappointed in most cases. To illustrate my point, a staff who feels he/she deserved to be promoted after three years of working, but end up not getting the promotion may feel disappointed even though he/she earned the position. In contrast, if he/she gets the promotion, hence he/she may feel satisfied. In conclusion, higher pay and working surroundings are key elements that determines whether or not an individual will be satisfied with his/her role, and that even though expectation are often high, they are not often realized while working.
There is no doubt that the majority of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
spend a huge part of their adult life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
, and that work contentment is an essential feature of the
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
. In my essay, I will discuss
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
factors that influence career
Possible spelling mistake. 'fulfilment' is British English.
fulfilment
and
also
look at how realistic the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
expectation
of satisfaction for all employees.

One of the major factors that lead to work satisfaction is higher wages. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
satisfied when they know that they are earning a salary
that is
equivalent to the type of task they are doing, most
especially
when the task is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
demanding.
For example
, doctors, who work day and night and receiving higher wages may
generally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
contented with their duties.
However
, if the pay of these doctors is much lower, then there could be no satisfaction.
As a result
, this will in turn affect their performance.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
expectation
of achievement for all employees is not feasible. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
most workers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
high returns
Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
with regards to
their jobs they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
is satisfying. As a consequence when these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
expectations
are not met, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
disappointed
in most cases
. To illustrate my point, a staff who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feels
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
he/she
deserved to
be promoted
after three years of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up not getting the promotion may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
disappointed
even though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
he/she
earned the position.
In contrast
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
he/she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
the promotion,
hence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
he/she
may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
satisfied.

In conclusion
, higher pay and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
surroundings are key elements that determines
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether". It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
whether or not
an individual will
be satisfied
with his/her role, and that
even though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
expectation
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
high, they are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
realized while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is to the mind more than light is to the eye.
William Gibson

IELTS essay q2/ some people have one career throughout their lives. Other people do different kinds of work at different points in their lives v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
281 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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