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The Internet has caused people to be isolated from their real lives. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

The Internet has caused people to be isolated from their real lives. v. 1
As every country spends a certain amount of money on health sector every year, campaigns for health awareness and preventive arrangements take place with the help of a portion of the budget. Should a large portion go to the expenditure of health education for everyone? I certainly do not accord on acquiring a large expenditure solely on the awareness building. Of crucial importance, in my opinion, is how we actually act even we get to see health related advises. For instance, every cigarette packet contains a quotation “SMOKING IS INJURIOUS TO HEALTH” but nevertheless no one follows it religiously. Due to lack of mandatory rules and actual implementation not only from government but also from society and community, programs for one’s health betterment starts failing utterly. Furthermore, if mass people don’t find themselves in suitable environment or situations health exercises for preventing diseases will not be remembered. There is, however, another way to define my disagreement that is to make basic health care accessible for everyone. In rural places, people who are in dire need of basic health services suffer more than a lot because of the unavailability of adept doctors or fully-equipped hospitals. Hence, the number of death increases as the attention is not certainly grabbed on the free basic services by the government. Also, health awareness can also be given in these rudimentary establishments when a patient will start receiving health services. To conclude with, proper health actions will speak louder than words and I’m inclined to restate that a country’s health budget should be well spent on measurable impact where general people like us will be benefitted.
As every country spends a certain amount of money on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
sector every year, campaigns for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
awareness and preventive arrangements take place with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of a portion of the budget. Should a large portion go to the expenditure of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
education for everyone? I
certainly
do not accord on acquiring a large expenditure
solely
on the awareness building.

Of crucial importance, in my opinion, is how we actually act even we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
related advises.
For instance
, every cigarette packet contains a quotation “SMOKING IS INJURIOUS TO
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
HEALTH”
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
nevertheless
no one follows it
religiously
. Due to lack of mandatory
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and actual implementation not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
from society and community, programs for one’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
betterment
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
failing
utterly
.
Furthermore
, if mass
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
don’t find themselves in suitable environment or situations
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
exercises for preventing diseases will not
be remembered
.

There is,
however
, another way to define my disagreement
that is
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
care accessible for everyone. In rural places,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are in dire need of basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
services suffer more than a lot
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the unavailability of adept doctors or
fully
-equipped hospitals.
Hence
, the number of death increases as the attention is not
certainly
grabbed on the free basic services by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
awareness can
also
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
in these rudimentary establishments when a patient will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
receiving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
services.

To conclude
with, proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
actions will speak louder than words and I’m inclined to restate that a country’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
budget should be well spent on measurable impact where general
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
like us will be
Possible spelling mistake found.
benefitted
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
I am always sorry when any language is lost, because languages are the pedigrees of nations.
Samuel Johnson

IELTS essay The Internet has caused people to be isolated from their real lives. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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