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TPO 9 – task 2: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Technology has made the children less creative than they were in the past. v.1

TPO 9 – task 2: Technology has made the children less creative than they were in the past. v. 1
We live in the era of technology. That the technology revolutionized our life is an undeniable fact. People do their daily-tasks entirely different in comparison to how they used to do in the past. There are two distinct schools of thought: Some people agree that technology made the children less creative than they were in the past, others disagree. In my perspective, I am against the statement and here are my justifications. To begin with, with the advent of computers and the internet, children have more access to various sources of information. The computers with its fast-lightening pace have brought the statement of “Everything at your finger tips” into reality. Since a variety of information is available for children, they can come up with new and innovative ideas. A vivid example can be given to shed light on what was alluded above; my nephew is 10 years old and he fully knows how to use a computer. In one of his school assignments, the students were asked to build the highest possible structure using only papers and pins. He searched on the internet, watched several related videos on YouTube, and contacted students at other students using social networks; finally, he managed to combine some of the ideas in the movies and build a very high structure. Both his teachers and I were astonished by his creative idea. Hence, technology can assist the children to be more creative. Beside the above-mentioned reason, video games, nowadays, aid the children to develop their skills and be more creative significantly. If one look at Apple Store, one can find various categories for kids offering countless games and apps, which are designed with particular goals. Some games involve using our memory and visual skills, doing argumentative reasoning, and identifying logical processes, which enhances the cognitive growth of children. Moreover, some games offer an environment in which the children can compete with other children around the world. In these games, children can enhance their social skills, share their ideas, and increase their knowledge. All these activities aid the children to be more innovative in their life. Furthermore, numerous television programs can teach the same skills to the children and facilitate the development process of children. All in all, although many sophisticated people may prove the otherwise, I reiterate that technology can be very beneficial to children and help them to be more creative as I elaborately discussed in the body paragraphs.
We
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the era of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
. That the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
revolutionized our life is an undeniable fact.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
do their daily-tasks
entirely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
in comparison
to how they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to do in the past. There are two distinct schools of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
:
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
made the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creative
than they were in the past, others disagree. In my perspective, I am against the statement and here are my justifications.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, with the advent of computers and the internet,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have more access to various sources of information. The computers with its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-lightening pace have brought the statement of “Everything at your finger tips” into reality. Since a variety of information is available for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up with new and innovative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ideas
. A vivid example can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to shed light on what was
Did you mean "eluded"?
alluded
above; my nephew is 10 years
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
old and
he
fully
knows how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
a computer. In one of his school assignments, the students
were asked
to build the highest possible structure using
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
papers and pins. He searched on the internet,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
several related videos on YouTube, and contacted students at other students using social networks;
finally
, he managed to combine
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ideas
in the movies and build a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
high structure. Both his teachers and I
were astonished
by his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
idea
.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
can assist the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to be more creative.

Beside the above-mentioned reason, video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, nowadays, aid the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to develop their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and be more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creative
significantly
. If one look at Apple Store, one can find various categories for kids offering countless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and apps, which
are designed
with particular goals.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
involve using our memory and visual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, doing argumentative reasoning, and identifying logical processes, which enhances the cognitive growth of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
offer an environment in which the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can compete with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
around the world. In these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can enhance their social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, share their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ideas
, and increase their knowledge. All these activities aid the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to be more innovative in their life.
Furthermore
, numerous television programs can teach the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and facilitate the development process of children.

All in all, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
sophisticated
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may prove the
otherwise
, I reiterate that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
beneficial to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to be more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creative
as I
elaborately
discussed in the body paragraphs.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
34Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO 9 – task 2: Technology has made the children less creative than they were in the past. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
405 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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