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TPO 9 Independent task Do you agree or disagree with the following statement Technology has made children less creative than they were in the past Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer v.2

TPO 9 Independent task Technology has made children less creative than they were in the past Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer v. 2
In today' s world technological improvements run very fast and one should always keep updated on what comes next. The 20th century has been characterized by plenty of innovations and by the manufacturing of tons of incredible devices. I have the opinion that technology heightened the quality of our lives without denying our imagination. In this essay, I will elaborate on why I disagree with the claim that technology has made children less creative than they were in the past, providing reasons and examples. First of all, I believe that in such a way, technology can be considered as a form of creativity. To design something new and to produce a prototype requires a certain amount of creativity and brave. Children are for definition much more creative than adults and therefore they are very attracted by technology. The widespread use of technology has definitevely made kids more open minded, proactive and prompt to accept new challenges. I sustain this because technology helped them to visualize concepts, ideas and much more. Nowadays, any child has an ipad or an ipod today and this kind of devices allowed them to listen to music, to learn something new just watching a video on youtube or even to record themselves in the act of singing or embodding a character, sharing then their videos with a big community. Secondly, technology gave kids the chance to easily find their own way. By using technology, they can raise awareness without sacrifying their own adolescence or imagination. For example, lots of kids are developing new apps for improving the use of softwares installed on small devices like e-readers, ipads and even laptops. It' s an old story that most of designers, engineers and architects found their own inspiration as children discovering a machintosh for the first time. Thirdly, children use technology better than adults. They are positively oriented towards technology and they only use it for good purposes. This combination will help them to develop useful skills in programming and in the readiness to attempt new tasks that will be very fruitful in moving their first steps in the working world. I can recall that in my first job I had to prepare and deliver some ppt presentations and by taking advantage of what I learnt when I was just a child, I have been able to be appreciated by well-experienced colleagues, who didn' t possess my same fresh imagination and proficiency with ppt. In conclusion, I sustain that technology has to be considered as an help for young people because it inspires them, keep them curious and interested. Children seem hairs of Einstein' s though " Imagination is more important than knowledge" as they have find a way to make technology working in the best way.
In
Possible spelling mistake found.
today&
#039; s world technological improvements run
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
and one should always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
updated on what
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
next
. The 20th century has
been characterized
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of innovations and by the manufacturing of tons of incredible devices. I have the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
heightened the quality of our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
without denying our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
imagination
. In this essay, I will elaborate on why I disagree with the claim that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
less creative than they were in the past, providing reasons and examples.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, I believe that in such a way,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
can
be considered
as a form of creativity. To design something
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
and to produce a prototype requires a certain amount of creativity and brave.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
are for definition much more creative than adults and
therefore
they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
attracted by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
. The widespread
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has
Possible spelling mistake found.
definitevely
made kids more
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
open minded
, proactive and prompt to accept
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
challenges. I sustain this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
them to visualize concepts,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and much more. Nowadays, any child has an
Possible spelling mistake found.
ipad
or an
Possible spelling mistake found.
ipod
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
and this kind of devices
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
them to listen to music, to learn something
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
watching a video on
Possible spelling mistake found.
youtube
or even to record themselves in the act of singing or
Possible spelling mistake found.
embodding
a character, sharing then their videos with a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
community.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
gave kids the chance to
easily
find their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
way. By using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, they can raise awareness without
Possible spelling mistake found.
sacrifying
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
adolescence or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
imagination
.
For example
, lots of kids are developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
apps for improving the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
softwares
installed on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
devices like e-readers,
Possible spelling mistake found.
ipads
and even laptops.
Possible spelling mistake found.
It&
#039; s an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
story that
After 'most of', you should use 'the' ("most of the designers") or simply say "most designers".
most of designers
, engineers and architects found their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
inspiration as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
discovering a
Possible spelling mistake found.
machintosh
for the
first
time.

Thirdly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
better than adults. They are
positively
oriented towards
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
technology and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
purposes. This combination will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to develop useful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in programming and in the readiness to attempt
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
tasks that will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
fruitful in moving their
first
steps in the working world. I can recall that in my
first
job I had to prepare and deliver
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Possible spelling mistake found.
ppt
presentations and by taking advantage of what I
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
when I was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a child, I have been able to
be appreciated
by well-experienced colleagues, who
Possible spelling mistake found.
didn&
#039; t possess my same fresh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
imagination
and proficiency with
Possible spelling mistake found.
ppt
.

In conclusion
, I sustain that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be considered
as
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
for young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it inspires them,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them curious and interested.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
seem hairs of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Einstein&
#039; s though
Possible spelling mistake found.
&quot
;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Imagination
is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than
Possible spelling mistake found.
knowledge&quot
; as they have
Use past participle here: "found".
find
a way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
working in the best way.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
24Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay TPO 9 Independent task Technology has made children less creative than they were in the past Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
459 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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