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TPO 10 - Independent taskDo you agree or disagree with the following statement? Playing computer games is a waste of time. Children should not be allowed to play them. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.2

TPO 10 - Independent task Playing computer games is a waste of time. Children should not be allowed to play them. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 2
In today' s world there are so many distractions that one can easily get lost. This is the reason why parents should always control their childs, not allowing them to waste their precious time in playing computer games. In this essay, I will focus on why childrens should not be allowed to play them, by giving examples and specific explanations for that. To start with, childrens who play computer games or similar stuff may develop bad habits. For instance, they may start to acquire an unhealthy lifestyle, spending many hours per day sit on the couch. They may also start postponing a bit and then always more, forgetting other important duties like homeworks. Having said that, I believe that parents must forbid them playing videogames, as bad habits are very difficult to eradicate. Moreover, they should learn that time management is very important and they have to spend their free time in the best way they can. They should take advantage of their leisure time, practising sports, doing launguage courses and other cultural or recreative activities that will come in handy, potentially helping them in the future and this is not the case of computer games. As parent, I am firmly convinced that they should not spend their valuable time in lazy and unuseful activities. Most of the kids playing computer games tend to become dependent from those kind of activities and it is widely accepted that developing addictions especially at a young age could have a bad influence on their growing up. Becoming addict to something will distort their sense of reality and even their lives. For example, playing computer games could distract kids from focusing on their studies. To wrap up, I agree with the idea of banning videogames, given that: on one hand, will help kids to grow up healthier; on the other, it will also give them the chance to reach maturity, becoming aware of the way they should manage their own time.
In
Possible spelling mistake found.
today&
#039; s world there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
distractions that one can
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
lost. This is the reason why parents should always control their
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "children", the plural form of the noun 'child'?
childs
, not allowing them to waste their precious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. In this essay, I will focus on why
Possible spelling mistake found.
childrens
should not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to play them, by giving examples and specific explanations for that.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with,
Possible spelling mistake found.
childrens
who play computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
or similar stuff may develop
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habits.
For instance
, they may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to acquire an unhealthy lifestyle, spending
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
hours per day sit on the couch. They may
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
postponing a bit and then always more, forgetting other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
duties like
Possible spelling mistake found.
homeworks
. Having said that, I believe that parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
forbid them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
Possible spelling mistake found.
videogames
, as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habits are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult to eradicate.

Moreover
, they should learn that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
management is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
important and
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
spend their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in the best way they can. They should take advantage of their leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
,
Possible spelling mistake. 'practising' is British English.
practising
sports, doing
Possible spelling mistake found.
launguage
courses and other cultural or
Possible spelling mistake found.
recreative
activities that will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
in handy,
potentially
helping them in the future and this is not the case of computer games.

As parent, I am
firmly
convinced that they should not spend their valuable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in lazy and unuseful activities. Most of the kids
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
tend to become dependent from
Did you mean "this kind" or "those kinds"?
those kind
of activities and it is
widely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
that developing addictions
especially
at a young age could have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
influence on their growing up. Becoming addict to something will distort their sense of reality and even their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
could distract kids from focusing on their studies.

To wrap up, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of banning
Possible spelling mistake found.
videogames
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
that: on one hand, will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
kids to grow up healthier; on the other, it will
also
give them the chance to reach maturity, becoming aware of the way they should manage their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO 10 - Independent task Playing computer games is a waste of time. Children should not be allowed to play them. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
327 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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