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Most people believe money is a very important consideration when choosing a job as it can help you get a better lifestyle however there are some who believe it is more important to have a job you enjoy and that this and not money will lead to greater happ v.1

Most people believe money is a very important consideration when choosing a job as it can help you get a better lifestyle however there are some who believe it is more important to have a job you enjoy and that this and not money will lead to greater happ v. 1
Sometimes, for me, it seem so awkward that a lifeless thing called money is not only ruling the materialistic world but also physical and emotional being of a person. As it occupied every area that is connected to a human being, sometimes it is hard to choose between it' s vast benefits or to go with what heart says. I discuss both the arguments before giving final verdict. Money is the only thing that never satisfy people because the more we get the more we want it to maintain the status and its comfort. In such cases, we only left with an option to choose the source that offers a great deal of income. Moreover, every person wants his or her family to get a better lifestyle. For instance, best medical care, quality education, usage of branded products and also to make best match for their children etc. , Here, some feel the future is well ensured when the basic needs are well mer along with the luxurious entertainment to go with it. In contrast, fewer crowd opine that a definition of life is not working machine that put all the time, strength and effort to meet the target and stressing themselves. They believe life has to be simple yet joyful and productive. Recent Korean research studies reveals that people who enjoy their jobs are usually passion driven. Passion on anything fuels the person to achieve a greater heights in their professional career. Furthermore, people could also be able to balance their time distributing to other family and social responsibilities thus balancing personal life as well. Eventually, such lifestyle leads to greater happiness and satisfaction. In my opinion, i believe money is important but it is not all. Balancing everything in life and enjoying whatever we do is something what money can' t buy. So, one should be content and lead a simpler lifestyle to enjoy the fruit of life.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
, for me, it
Did you mean "seems"?
seem
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
awkward that a lifeless thing called money is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
ruling the materialistic world
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
physical and emotional being of a person. As it occupied every area that
is connected
to a human being,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to choose between
Possible spelling mistake found.
it&
#039; s vast benefits or to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
go with
what heart says. I discuss both the arguments
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
giving final verdict.

Money is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
thing that never satisfy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the more we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the more we want it to maintain the status and its comfort. In such cases, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
with an option to choose the source that offers a great deal of income.
Moreover
, every person wants
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
family to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a better lifestyle.
For instance
A determiner is probably missing here: ", the best".
, best
medical care, quality education, usage of branded products and
also
to
A determiner is probably missing here: "make the best".
make best
match for their children etc.
Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
,
Here,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
feel the future is well ensured when the basic needs are well
Possible spelling mistake found.
mer
along with the luxurious entertainment to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
go with
it.

In contrast
, fewer crowd opine that a definition of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is not working machine that put all the time, strength and effort to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the target and stressing themselves. They believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be simple
yet
joyful and productive. Recent Korean research studies reveals that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who enjoy their jobs are
usually
passion driven. Passion on anything fuels the person to achieve a greater heights in their professional career.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
could
also
be able to balance their time distributing to other family and social responsibilities
thus
balancing personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
as well
.
Eventually
, such lifestyle leads to greater happiness and satisfaction.

In my opinion,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
believe money is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is not all. Balancing everything in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and enjoying whatever we do is something what money
Possible spelling mistake found.
can&
#039; t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, one should be content and lead a simpler lifestyle to enjoy the fruit of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Most people believe money is a very important consideration when choosing a job as it can help you get a better lifestyle however there are some who believe it is more important to have a job you enjoy and that this and not money will lead to greater happ v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
320 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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