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In developing countries, children in rural communities have less access to education. Some people believe that the problem can be solved by providing more schools and teachers, while others think that the problem can be solved by providing computers and I v.10

In developing countries, children in rural communities have less access to education. Some people believe that the problem can be solved by providing more schools and teachers, while others think that the problem can be solved by providing computers and I v. 10
It is true that children in developing countries, especially in rural areas, have lower educational. While some believe that this trend could be solved by providing more computers and the internet, I would agree with the argument that installing new schools and employing teachers are the top priority. On the one hand, computers and the internet are thought as the best solution to encourage children to come up to education for some reasons. Firstly, the internet provides a variety range of online training courses which may be for purchase or free. Therefore, children who live in a remote community are able to register the distance learning method simply with a computer. As a consequence, the time for commuting is saved since they have no longer to attend classes in person but can study online. Secondly, with a diversity of information resources provided, updated up-to-date on the internet, children will have a good opportunity to broaden their knowledge. Besides learning local knowledge in their countries, they can explore the customs, culture, and connect with many friends from other countries. On the other hand, I firmly argue that constructing new facilities such as schools and hiring teachers can lead to a motivation in children to raise the educational level. One of the benefits is that school is the better environment for children to improve their basic skills such as communication, teamwork. Apart from learning literacy and numeracy, they can play sports, playthings in class as well as do exercise with friends. Another benefit is that employing teachers plays an important role in the school. Teachers, such a mentor, who are able to guide student how to use the reference resources in their lesson properly. In conclusion, although computers and the internet can resolve the less education in children, it seems to me that providing schools and teachers is the best way to tackle the problem.
It is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
,
especially
in rural areas, have lower educational. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe that this trend could
be solved
by providing more computers and the internet, I would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the argument that installing new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and employing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
are the top priority.

On the one hand, computers and the internet are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
as the best solution to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up to education for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons.
Firstly
, the internet provides a variety range of online training courses which may be for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
or free.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a remote community are able to register the distance learning method
simply
with a computer. As a consequence, the time for commuting
is saved
since they have no longer to attend classes in person
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
can study online.
Secondly
, with a diversity of information resources provided, updated up-to-date on the internet,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
opportunity to broaden their knowledge.
Besides
learning local knowledge in their countries, they can explore the customs, culture, and connect with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
friends from other countries.

On the other hand
, I
firmly
argue that constructing new facilities such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and hiring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
can lead to a motivation in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to raise the educational level. One of the benefits is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is the better environment for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their basic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
such as communication, teamwork. Apart from learning literacy and numeracy, they can play sports, playthings in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
as well
as do exercise with friends. Another benefit is that employing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Teachers
, such a mentor, who are able to guide student how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the reference resources in their lesson
properly
.

In conclusion
, although computers and the internet can resolve the less education in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, it seems to me that providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
is the best way to tackle the problem.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay In developing countries, children in rural communities have less access to education. Some people believe that the problem can be solved by providing more schools and teachers, while others think that the problem can be solved by providing computers and I v. 10

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
313 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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