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TPO 10 - Independent taskDo you agree or disagree with the following statement? Playing computer games is a waste of time. Children should not be allowed to play them. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.1

TPO 10 - Independent task Playing computer games is a waste of time. Children should not be allowed to play them. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 1
In recent years, opinions have been divided as to whether reading book is the most effective method for youngsters to gain observation, compared to watching TV or playing computer games. From my perspective, I side with this statement due to some significant benefits of books. There is little room for doubt that books not only provide information, but also teach moral lessons. Although children may not have sufficient capacity to distinguish the difference between right and wrong, they can become decent citizens by reading books which are assessed by professors. For example, in Vietnam, where educational books such as fairy tales reign supreme, the rate of juvenile crime here is considered lower than other nations. In addition to this, while reading books, students may not be distracted by external factors, so that book also create motivation for them to study. Therefore, books have a positive impact on teenagers’ cognitive. It is evident that reading books may ensure children’s health while they are gaining knowledge. In simple term, since youngsters watch films and play games through screen technology, the blue light of these devices can do harm to their well being. A recent research in Korea has shown that 80% of children have optical problems because of the prolonged hours spent in front of the TV. If teenagers spend more time reading books, they can protect their eyes from harmful factors. Thereby, reading books is a healthier way to absorb knowledge. In conclusion, reading books is better for children in both gaining knowledge and protecting their health.
In recent years, opinions have
been divided
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether", or rephrase the sentence to avoid "as to".
as to whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
is the most effective method for youngsters to gain observation, compared to watching TV or playing computer games. From my perspective, I side with this statement due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
significant benefits of books.

There is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
room for doubt that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
provide information,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
teach moral lessons. Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
may not have sufficient capacity to distinguish the difference between right and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
, they can become decent citizens by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
which
are assessed
by professors.
For example
, in Vietnam, where educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
such as fairy tales reign supreme, the rate of juvenile crime here
is considered
lower than other nations.
In addition
to this, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
, students may not
be distracted
by external factors,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
also
create motivation for them to study.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
’ cognitive.

It is evident that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
may ensure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
health while they are gaining knowledge. In simple term, since youngsters
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
films and play games through screen technology, the blue light of these devices can do harm to their
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
. A recent research in Korea has shown that 80% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have optical problems
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the prolonged hours spent in front of the TV. If
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
spend more time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
, they can protect their eyes from harmful factors. Thereby,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
is a healthier way to absorb knowledge.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
is better for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in both gaining knowledge and protecting their health.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay TPO 10 - Independent task Playing computer games is a waste of time. Children should not be allowed to play them. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
256 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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