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The two pie chart below shows the online shopping sales for retail sectors in Canada in 2005 and 2010. v.1

The two pie chart below shows the online shopping sales for retail sectors in Canada in 2005 and 2010. v. 1
In recent years, increasing the environmental contamination is one of the serious problems in many centres of cities all over the world. But, there are still some people who ignore it and keep damaging the environment. So it would be meaningful to discuss why such an issue has occurred and to suggest what proper measures should be taken to make people awakened. To begin with, there are several reasons why individuals consider clean nature crucial is obvious. In the first place, nowadays, numerous people are gathering in the centre of the city, naturally leading a huge volume of traffic. And an amount of smoky gases is emitted by people's own vehicles running on the urban roads, making serious air pollution. In this regard, the carbon dioxide will overwhelmingly be emitted via a lot of vehicles. In addition, there are some people throwing away their rubbishes in the oceans and littering on the streets, which is so irresponsible behaviours that it results in the spoiled water contamination as well as polluted lands. For example, in ordinary households, people pour wastewater and oil into the drain without vicious intention. These polluted water flows into the underground, eventually influenced harmful effects, also making the global warming faster. Under this situation, I firmly believe that the power of the government is necessary. Firstly, the authority should impose a huge amount of fine or even imprisonment on the citizens. It would be helpful to make them ideal behaviours as well as do not deteriorate nature. Another point worth mentioning is that the state should set up the course called "the environment" in schools for students, so they can realize that how irreplaceable the clean nature is or how can make the renewable resources in replacing with natural fossil fuels so that they can participate in the campaigns which preserve the environment clearer in the future. In conclusion, there are some reasons for which the global warming has happened and greenhouse gases. But I believe that the government should tackle such a problem and be taken the countermeasures to keep clean nature.
In recent years, increasing the environmental contamination is one of the serious problems in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
of cities all over the world.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, there are
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
it and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
damaging the environment.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
it would be meaningful to discuss why such an issue has occurred and to suggest what proper measures should
be taken
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
awakened.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are several reasons why individuals consider clean
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nature
crucial is obvious. In the
first
place, nowadays, numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are gathering in the
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
of the city,
naturally
leading a huge volume of traffic. And an amount of smoky gases
is emitted
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
vehicles running on the urban roads, making serious air pollution. In this regard, the carbon dioxide will
overwhelmingly
be emitted
via
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
vehicles.
In addition
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
throwing away their rubbishes in the oceans and littering on the streets, which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
irresponsible
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
that it results in the spoiled water contamination
as well
as polluted lands.
For example
, in ordinary households,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
pour wastewater and oil into the drain without vicious intention. These polluted water flows into the underground,
eventually
influenced harmful effects,
also
making the global warming faster.

Under this situation, I
firmly
believe that the power of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
is necessary.
Firstly
, the authority should impose a huge amount of fine or even imprisonment on the citizens. It would be helpful to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them ideal
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
as well
as do not deteriorate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nature
. Another point worth mentioning is that the state should set up the course called
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
the environment
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
in schools for students,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can realize that how irreplaceable the clean
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nature
is or how can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the renewable resources in replacing with natural fossil fuels
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can participate in the campaigns which preserve the environment clearer in the future.

In conclusion
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons for which the global warming has happened and greenhouse gases.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
I believe that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should tackle such a problem and
be taken
the countermeasures to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
clean
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nature
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The two pie chart below shows the online shopping sales for retail sectors in Canada in 2005 and 2010. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
346 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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