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TPO-9: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Technology has made children less creative than they were in the past. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.1

TPO-9: Technology has made children less creative than they were in the past. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 1
Nowadays, it has been a hot topic on whether technology has done damages to people. Some people believe that technology has made children less creative than they were in the past, some people hold the opposite opinion. As far as I am concerned, I disagree that technology let children become less creative. First of all, technology contributes to the improving quality of education in the society, thus providing children with more chance to develop their potential creativeness. For example, my young cousins are all very skillful at using computers because they started to learn computer course since they were at first grade of elementary school and my little brother even managed to use computer to compose Hiphop music by his own, without needing any traditional music class. This would not have happened if the technology didn' t improve over the years. I still remember when I was at their age, I just started to learn how to type and send emails using the old fashioned big computers and never imagined I could other stuff using computers. Moreover, technology provides children with more tools to broaden their horizon, thus making them more creative. The new technologies, such as 3D movies, AR helmet and automatic robot, are all good tools for children to explore the world and broaden their horizon. For example, with 3D movies and AR helmet, children can feel more real about the story in a movie so that they could develop better imagination. They can also cultivate their interest in automation designing and improve their creativeness by interacting with the robot. Last but not least, technology provides children a more efficient channel to obtain a variety of knowledge, which is very important in developing their creativeness. For example, nowadays when a young kid find himself interested in coding, he can easily find the learning materials and tutorial video online because of the development of the internet. While a few decades ago, if a kid wanted to explore a new thing, he will find it very hard to get instruction without the internet and this will probably stopped him from learning new things. All in all, I disagree that technology has made children less creative than they were in the past with the reasons stated above.
Nowadays, it has been a hot topic on whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has done damages to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
less creative than they were in the past,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
hold the opposite opinion. As far as I
am concerned
, I disagree that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
become less creative.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
contributes to the improving quality of education in the society,
thus
providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with more chance to develop their potential creativeness.
For example
, my young cousins are all
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
skillful at using computers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to learn computer course since they were at
first
grade of elementary school and my
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
brother even managed to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
computer to compose
Possible spelling mistake found.
Hiphop
music by his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
, without needing any traditional music
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
. This would not have happened if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
Possible spelling mistake found.
didn&
#039; t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
over the years. I
still
remember when I was at their age, I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to learn how to type and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
emails using the
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
old fashioned
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
computers and never imagined I
It seems that a verb or adverb has been misspelled or is missing here.
could other
stuff using computers.

Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
provides
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with more tools to broaden their horizon,
thus
making them more creative. The new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
, such as 3D movies, AR helmet and automatic robot, are all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
tools for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to explore the world and broaden their horizon.
For example
, with 3D movies and AR helmet,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can feel more real about the story in a movie
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they could develop better imagination. They can
also
cultivate their interest in automation designing and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their creativeness by interacting with the robot.

Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
provides
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
a more efficient channel to obtain a variety of knowledge, which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in developing their creativeness.
For example
, nowadays when a young kid find himself interested in coding, he can
easily
find the learning materials and tutorial video online
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the development of the internet. While a few decades ago, if a kid wanted to explore a new thing, he will find it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
instruction without the internet and this will
probably
The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: "stop"
stopped
him from learning new things.

All in all, I disagree that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
less creative than they were in the past with the reasons stated above.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO-9: Technology has made children less creative than they were in the past. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
376 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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