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TPO 8 Task 2 Do you agree or disagree with the statement Television advertising directed toward young children aged two to five should not be allowed v.2

TPO 8 Task 2 Television advertising directed toward young children aged two to five should not be allowed v. 2
Television advertising comprises a major part of television programs. Every day, a person sees various advertisements on the television, including children. Some people agree that children should not be allowed to watch television advertising directed toward them, others disagree. In my perspective, I agree with the statement and here are my justifications. To begin with, such advertisements could possibly have a negative effect on the children. In many societies, the question of to what extent the television advertisement affect the kids' cognitive growth has become a contentious issue of debate among the psychologists and caused quite a stir in numerous circles and camps. Children might be inclined to follow an extravagant lifestyle in the future as a result of these advertisements. Indeed, the companies, making these advertisements, only care about making more profit; hence, they do research to find out the exact needs of children aged two to five, and then use tricky advertising strategies to sell abundant number of their products. By watching them, children unconsciously are obsessed with the products, and then they might enforce their parents to buy those products, which they might not need at all. This leads to not only an extravagant lifestyle, but also financial pressure on their parents. Besides the above-mentioned reason, these television advertisements can ruin the development process of the children. Instead of playing and doing the activities, which assist the children to use their mind and imagination, they only watch ridiculous television advertising. In fact, these advertisements prevent the children from being innovative and developing new ideas from their own thoughts. What' s more, getting less sociable could be another issue. When the children spend most of their time watching television advertising, since the sound and visual effects attract them, they do not spend enough time contacting with other kids and improving their social skills. Consequently, they will face many problems in the future. All in all, although some other sophisticate people may prove the otherwise, I reiterate that young children should not be allowed to watch television advertising based on the reasons I discussed in the body paragraphs.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Television
advertising comprises a major part of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
programs. Every day, a person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sees
various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
, including
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
advertising directed toward them, others disagree. In my perspective, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement and here are my justifications.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
could
possibly
have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
societies, the question of to what extent the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
affect the
Possible spelling mistake found.
kids&
#039; cognitive growth has become a contentious issue of debate among the psychologists and caused quite a stir in numerous circles and camps.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
might
be inclined
to follow an extravagant lifestyle in the future
as a result
of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
.
Indeed
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
, making these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
care about making more profit;
hence
, they do research to find out the exact needs of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
aged two to five, and then
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
tricky advertising strategies to sell abundant number of their products. By watching them,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
unconsciously
are obsessed
with the products, and then they might enforce their parents to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
those products, which they might not need at all. This leads to not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
an extravagant lifestyle,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
financial pressure on their parents.

Besides
the above-mentioned reason, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
can ruin the development process of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Instead
of playing and doing the activities, which assist the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their mind and imagination, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
ridiculous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
advertising. In fact, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from being innovative and developing new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
from their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
thoughts.
Possible spelling mistake found.
What&
#039; s more, getting less sociable could be another issue. When the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend most of their time watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
advertising, since the sound and visual effects attract them, they do not spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time contacting with other kids and improving their social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Consequently
, they will face
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems in the future.

All in all, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other sophisticate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may prove the
otherwise
, I reiterate that young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
advertising based on the reasons I discussed in the body paragraphs.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO 8 Task 2 Television advertising directed toward young children aged two to five should not be allowed v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
349 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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