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Essay topics: Some people think that art is an essential subject for children at school while others think that it is a waste of time. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion. v.2

Essay topics: Some people think that art is an essential subject for children at school while others think that it is a waste of time. v. 2
In Kazakhstan, there is a concern in society about the importance of art subjects since they occupy more than twenty wife percent of the time children spend studying at school. Some teachers think that these disciplines are important to teach at school while others claim that they are nonproductive. This essay agrees with the idea that art is redundant in school curriculum for the following reasons. The main reason why I think that art subjects are wasteful is that there are more important subjects to teach at schools. After graduation, many young people get employed as engineers, economists, and lawyers. As a result, while they study at school, they should study more necessary subjects, including maths, physics and history, than music and literature, which have a useless impact on their future employment. If they stopped squandering time on art, they would have a greater chance to compete with other qualified employees in the labor market. However, some teachers claim that it is necessary for children to study art at school. They say that by studying it, children would learn to appreciate the beauty of the world. If art were excluded from school syllabus, then they would be unaware of beautiful pictures, songs and theater plays. Consequently, they would feel inferior to those who study art as an extra-curriculum activity. For example, in the former USSR, because they were not taught art at school, many students found it unpleasantly difficult to answer the questions, which are mostly regarding art, asked by students from the USA. In conclusion, although art is essential in life, students can learn apart from school subjects. I believe that pupils should stop studying art disciplines and concentrate more on other subjects, such as physics and maths, as they can improve their career prospects.
In Kazakhstan, there is a concern in society about the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
since they occupy more than twenty wife percent of the time children spend studying at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
teachers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that these disciplines are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to teach at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
while others claim that they are nonproductive. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is redundant in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
curriculum for the following reasons.

The main reason why I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are wasteful is that there are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
to teach at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
. After graduation,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
employed as engineers, economists, and lawyers.
As a result
, while they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, they should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
more necessary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
, including
Possible spelling mistake. 'maths' is British English.
maths
, physics and history, than music and literature, which have a useless impact on their future employment. If they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
squandering time on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
, they would have a greater chance to compete with other qualified employees in the labor market.

However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
teachers claim that it is necessary for children to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. They say that by studying it, children would learn to appreciate the beauty of the world. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
were excluded
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
syllabus, then they would be unaware of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
pictures, songs and theater plays.
Consequently
, they would feel inferior to those who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
as an extra-curriculum activity.
For example
, in the former USSR,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they were not taught
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
students found it
unpleasantly
difficult to answer the questions, which are
mostly
regarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
, asked by students from the USA.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is essential in life, students can learn apart from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
. I believe that pupils should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
disciplines and concentrate more on other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
, such as physics and
Possible spelling mistake. 'maths' is British English.
maths
, as they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their career prospects.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Essay topics: Some people think that art is an essential subject for children at school while others think that it is a waste of time. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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