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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Television advertising directed toward young children (aged two to five) should not be allowed. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.289

Television advertising directed toward young children (aged two to five) should not be allowed. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 289
The army, the navy and the air force are one of the most important parts of any country and a lot of people believe that women should be allowed to serve just like men. This essay completely agrees with the proposition because not only are women emotionally stronger than men, but, they are also better at multitasking. Firstly, women are emotionally stronger than men. It has been observed through research that women are stronger emotionally and this is primarily drawn from the fact that in a family, a woman normally handles emotional situations better than the man of the family. For example, at the time of a daughter's marriage, a woman is able to provide emotional support not only to the daughter but also to her family. Since the defence forces have to work in an emotionally challenging environment such as places with extreme weather, etc. Hence, women would naturally perform better than men. Secondly, women are better at multitasking than men. It has been scientifically proven that women are better than men at multitasking since a woman has to perform multiple tasks during the day while handling her family. For example, a working mother has to get up early to look after the good of the entire family, make sure the house is cleaned before she leaves for work, wash all the clothes, etc. This results in women being able to multitask with ease. Since the defence forces require their officers to multitask, which means reading maps regarding the enemy positions, convey the orders to the on ground teams, strategies the offence, etc. Hence, women will be a good asset for the defence forces. To conclude, women are not only better at multitasking, but also are emotionally stronger than men. Since these 2 qualities are really helpful for someone in the defence forces, hence, I completely agree that women should be allowed to join the army, the navy and the air force.
The army, the navy and the air
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
force
are one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
parts of any country and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to serve
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
. This essay completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
with the proposition
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
emotionally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stronger
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, they are
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
at multitasking.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
emotionally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stronger
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
. It has
been observed
through research that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stronger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
emotionally
and this is
primarily
drawn from the fact that in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, a woman
normally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
handles
emotional situations
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
than the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
For example
, at the time of a daughter's marriage, a woman is able to provide emotional support not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to the daughter
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
to her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. Since the
Possible spelling mistake. 'defence' is British English.
defence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forces
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work in an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
emotionally
challenging environment such as places with extreme weather, etc.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
would
naturally
perform
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
at multitasking than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
. It has been
scientifically
proven that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
at multitasking since a woman
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
perform multiple tasks during the day while handling her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
For example
, a working mother
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
up early to look after the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
of the entire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
is cleaned
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
for work, wash all the clothes, etc. This results in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
being able to multitask with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
. Since the
Possible spelling mistake. 'defence' is British English.
defence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forces
require their officers to multitask, which means reading maps regarding the enemy positions, convey the orders to the on ground teams, strategies the
Possible spelling mistake. 'offence' is British English.
offence
, etc.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
will be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
asset for the
Possible spelling mistake. 'defence' is British English.
defence
forces.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
at multitasking,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
emotionally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stronger
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
. Since these 2 qualities are
really
helpful for someone in the
Possible spelling mistake. 'defence' is British English.
defence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forces
,
hence
, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
the army, the navy and the air
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
force
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay Television advertising directed toward young children (aged two to five) should not be allowed. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 289

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
323 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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