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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Television advertising directed toward young children (aged two to five) should not be allowed. Hi, Please check my essay, many Thanks v.242

Television advertising directed toward young children (aged two to five) should not be allowed. Hi, Please check my essay, many Thanks v. 242
Careers can be flourished if someone is getting good job of influencing the interviewer in first place. Most of the people believe that by performing well in interviews is the turning point in order to secure an employment. In my opinion, facing an interview with great confidence and giving best can lead to secure the job. However, there are other important aspects which really matter such as an educational background, work experience and skills etc. It is commonly believed that, the first impression really matters while facing an interview, then conversing with an interviewer decides why someone will get the job? An interview is mode of an evaluation of the candidate’s credentials and how he or she reacts to the questions. For example, in an interview most of the time candidates might ask to solve any task related to their field, and if they failed to provide solutions or explanation they might reject. That’s why performance in the interview really plays a vital role in getting the job. However, this is partially true; sometimes an interviewer may interested about the candidate’s potential and how they can be useful as an employee in order to join an organization. Candidate’s education, soft skills, certification and work experience are also considered instead of performance in interview. For example, Japanese all organizations hire an employee on the basis of their potential, educational credentials, work history and skills rather than just an interview performance. Otherwise, it will be can of worms for the employer while getting work from a new employee. To conclude, in my opinion, first impressions and giving your best in the interviews is so important but, at the end of the day, education, work history and skills really considered as key facts during the recruitment process.
Careers can
be flourished
if someone is getting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
job of influencing the interviewer in
first
place. Most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that by performing well in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interviews
is the turning point in order to secure an employment. In my opinion, facing an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interview
with great confidence and giving best can lead to secure the job.
However
, there are other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
aspects which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
really
matter such as an educational background,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
experience and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
etc.

It is
commonly
believed that, the
first
impression
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
really
matters while facing an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interview
, then conversing with an interviewer decides why someone will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the job? An
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interview
is mode of an evaluation of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
candidate’s
credentials and how he or she reacts to the questions.
For example
, in an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interview
most of the time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
candidates
might ask to solve any task related to their field, and if they failed to provide solutions or explanation they might reject. That’s why performance in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interview
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
really
plays a vital role in getting the job.

However
, this is
partially
true;
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
an interviewer may interested about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
candidate’s
potential and how they can be useful as an employee in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
an organization.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Candidate’s
education, soft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, certification and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
experience are
also
considered
instead
of performance in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interview
.
For example
, Japanese all organizations hire an employee on the basis of their potential, educational credentials,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
history and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
rather
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interview
performance.
Otherwise
, it will be
Consider using a past participle here: "canned".
can
of worms for the employer while getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
from a new employee.

To conclude
, in my opinion,
first
impressions and giving your best in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interviews
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the day, education,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
history and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
really
considered as key facts during the recruitment process.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Television advertising directed toward young children (aged two to five) should not be allowed. Hi, Please check my essay, many Thanks v. 242

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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