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Do you agree or disagree? The teachers had a greater influence on the young people in the past than they do today. v.100

The teachers had a greater influence on the young people in the past than they do today. v. 100
The question is whether the teachers had much more impact on their students in the past in compared with today' s or not. Everyone with regard to his private view point can maintain a specific direction toward this statement; however, I am inclined to affirm the valid of this issue. I feel this way for some reasons, which I will explore them to empower my vantage point in following essay: To begin with, nobody could overlook that teachers play a crucial role in our life. Without them and their endeavors students will not be able to achieve breakthrough. Besides their eminent knowledge, they have always attempted to create a friendly relationship with their students; however, since the world has changed; as a result, this relationship is challenged by the technology. Nowadays, students -such as other social strata- obtain their needed information through internet; consequently, the young' s self-confidence has increased. Unfortunately, there is a wrong conviction among youths that no one knows more than them; hence, their teacher' s behavior or actions cannot affect them. The second reason why I advocate this idea lies the reality that such a modern world is wrestling with economics crises; therefore, the governments have confronted lack of budget. One way for solving this problem has been that the rulers have tried to decrease the teachers' salary and other state' s staff. In such a frustrating circumstance, people prefer to reduce time and energy consuming related to their work. It goes without saying that not only the quality of teaching, but also the dedicated time for students will be lessened and the students can be the first victims of this calamity. I remember when I was studying in high school, once our teachers protested for their right and they did not participate in the class for a long time, so the destructive consequence of this event is obvious. Moreover, today’s personality of human beings has also altered. In the past, the young people were usually modest and kind; however, in these days and ages, egotistical feeling is ruling in the societies. It is often said that the young would rather imitate their friends' behavior and ignore their teacher and family. In conclusion, I strongly believe that teachers had a close relationship with their class and they devoted much time for giving some piece of advice to students but now some factors like economic troubles and improving technology have created a big gap between them.
The question is whether the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
had much more impact on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in the past in compared with
Possible spelling mistake found.
today&
#039; s or not. Everyone with regard to his private view point can maintain a specific direction toward this statement;
however
, I
am inclined
to affirm
The phrase 'the valid of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'the' and 'of'.
the valid of
this issue. I feel this way for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons, which I will explore them to empower my vantage point in following essay:

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, nobody could overlook that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
play a crucial role in our life. Without them and their endeavors
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will not be able to achieve breakthrough.
Besides
their eminent knowledge, they have always attempted to create a friendly relationship with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
;
however
, since the world has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
;
as a result
, this relationship
is challenged
by the technology. Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
-such as other social strata- obtain their needed information through internet;
consequently
, the
Possible spelling mistake found.
young&
#039; s self-confidence has increased. Unfortunately, there is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
conviction among youths that no one knows more than them;
hence
, their
Possible spelling mistake found.
teacher&
#039; s behavior or actions cannot affect them.

The second reason why I advocate this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
lies the reality that such a modern world is wrestling with economics crises;
therefore
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
have confronted lack of budget. One way for solving this problem has been that the rulers have tried to decrease the
Possible spelling mistake found.
teachers&
#039; salary and other
Possible spelling mistake found.
state&
#039; s staff. In such a frustrating circumstance,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and energy consuming related to their work. It goes without saying that not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the quality of teaching,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the dedicated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will
be lessened
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can be the
first
victims of this calamity. I remember when I was studying in high school, once our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
protested for their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
right and
they did not participate in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
for a long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the destructive consequence of this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
is obvious.

Moreover
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s personality of human beings has
also
altered. In the past, the young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
were
usually
modest and kind;
however
, in these days and ages, egotistical feeling is ruling in the societies. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
said that the young would
rather
imitate their
Possible spelling mistake found.
friends&
#039; behavior and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
and family.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
had a close relationship with their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
class and
they devoted much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for giving
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
piece of advice to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
factors like economic troubles and improving technology have created a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
gap between them.
18Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay The teachers had a greater influence on the young people in the past than they do today. v. 100

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
409 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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