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Imagine that you are planning to take a vacation, trying to decide between two places to visit. Which of these two options do you believe would give you better information about making your choice? Why? -- Reading about the places online--Discussing the pl v.1

Imagine that you are planning to take a vacation, trying to decide between two places to visit. Which of these two options do you believe would give you better information about making your choice? Why? -- Reading about the places online--Discussing the pl v. 1
I prefer to read about the places online. Discussing with friends who has been visited there might be a good choice, but it is kind of insufficient comparing to the first choice. First of all, with rapid development of society and technology, internet become more and more powerful. With internet, you can get everything you want about the two places either form foods to landscape or from tour route to security. And there are so many former experience about these two places form different people you could refer to. With different views and sufficient experience, you are more easier to make your own choice which is suitable for yourself. Many people, especially from the elder generation, hold the opinion that it is more dependable to communicate with someone you are familiar with about the place you are planning to go. They believe that if you gained information from someone you know in the real world, then the information would be indeed reliable. However, from my personal experience, this could not be true. Since people of various background and experience may have different feelings about a same thing, the feelings of others may be totally different from mine, sometimes even on the contrary. For example, some people with adventitious spirit may take an unstationary trip as an enjoyment, while for someone it might be a disaster. For me, following a perfect traveling plan would be a pleasure. This problem can be much serious when it comes to really personal things like food. It is not to say that advice about traveling place from friends have no meaning. If the person you are asking is very familiar with you and you two have so much in common, then, it will be a wonderful choice to take the advice of him or her. However that situation is not always the case, the perfect adviser could not satisfy the condition all the time. According to the statement above, I will go to internet for advice rather than to discuss the places with someone I know has visited both.
I prefer to read about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
online. Discussing with friends who
Did you mean "have", "haven"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'friends' should be used.
has
been visited
there might be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
choice,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is kind of insufficient comparing to the
first
choice.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, with rapid development of society and technology, internet become more and more powerful. With internet, you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
everything you want about the two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
either form foods to landscape or from tour route to security. And there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
former
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
about these two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
form
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
you could refer to. With
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
views and sufficient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
, you are
Use only "easier" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more easier
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
choice which is suitable for yourself.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
especially
from the elder generation, hold the opinion that it is more dependable to communicate with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
someone
you are familiar with about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
you are planning to go. They believe that if you gained information from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
someone
you know in the real world, then the information would be
indeed
reliable.
However
, from my personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
, this could not be true. Since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of various background and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
may have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
feelings about a same thing, the feelings of others may be
totally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
from mine,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
even
on the contrary
.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with adventitious spirit may take an
Possible spelling mistake found.
unstationary
trip as an enjoyment, while for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
someone
it might be a disaster. For me, following a perfect traveling plan would be a pleasure. This problem can be much serious when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to
really
personal things like food.

It is not to say that advice about traveling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
from friends have no meaning. If the person you are asking is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
familiar with you and you two have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much in common, then, it will be a wonderful choice to take the advice of him or her.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
that situation is not always the case, the perfect adviser could not satisfy the condition all the time.

According to the statement above, I will go to internet for advice
rather
than to discuss the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
someone
I know has visited both.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
If we spoke a different language, we would perceive a somewhat different world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay Imagine that you are planning to take a vacation, trying to decide between two places to visit. Which of these two options do you believe would give you better information about making your choice? Why? -- Reading about the places online--Discussing the pl v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
344 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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