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TPO 54 Writing IndependentDo you agree or disagree with the following statement? Governments should spend more money in support of the arts than in support of athletics such as state-sponsored Olympic teams. Use specific reasons and examples to support yo v.2

TPO 54 Writing Independent Governments should spend more money in support of the arts than in support of athletics such as state-sponsored Olympic teams. Use specific reasons and examples to support yo v. 2
In the modern era, governments invest in several areas including education, health, transportation, and so forth to fulfill people' s necessary demands. Moreover, the government may allocate budgets to other activities as well, including supporting artists and athletes. The controversial question which arises here is to some extent the government should support each group. Some people are inclined toward the opinion that the government should spend more money in support of arts while others believe that the attention should be focused on athletes. From my vantage point, the latter view is more rational. In what follows, two significant reasons will vindicate my viewpoint. The first aspect to point out is that in most international events including the Olympics, athletes and sports teams are representative of their countries. If they flourish and succeed in the competitions, their countries would be introduced positively and people from all around the world will conceive a decent image of those nations. For instance, I' m always really enthusiastic about watching the Olympic Games. Sometimes, I see people from countries whose names I may not have even heard before. When I see these people' s success, I would think that they have a supportive government and I even become interested to know more about their country. Therefore, supporting athletes could bring about international fame and success for the countries. On the other hand, although art can promote a country’s status as well, for example, there might be some exhibitions and events which different countries present their arts, no event is actually more famous than sports events. Therefore, every nation should pay more attention to their athletes. Furthermore, athletes include larger populations of a country. There are various sports and in each of them, several people are active. Therefore, if a country pays attention to its athletes, indeed, it assists a wider range of people to thrive and bring success for the country. Moreover, with more support of the government, young talents will become more motivated to follow their interests in a special sport. For instance, in one of the Middle East countries, the government supports its athletes insufficiently. As a result, fewer young children are willing to pursue sports for the rest of their life. Moreover, current athletes are really dissatisfied since they have difficulty to afford their necessary demands. They may even leave their activities and be occupied with other jobs so that they can make ends meet. Therefore, inadequate support of governments not only results in less success and prominence of a country but also would present challenging life situations for a wide range of the population. To recapitulate, all aforementioned reasons lead us to the fact that governments should devote more investment in supports of athletes. Although other groups of people including artists should be valued by the government and provided with sufficient support, the fact that athletes are representative of a country' s identity in international events would result in special attention from the authorities. Moreover, the athletes involve a larger population of a country and therefore, governments should give more encouragement and financial assistance so that the country will boast more successful people.
In the modern era,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
invest in several areas including education, health, transportation, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
forth to fulfill
Possible spelling mistake found.
people&
#039; s necessary demands.
Moreover
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
may allocate budgets to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
activities
as well
, including supporting artists and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
. The controversial question which arises here is to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
each group.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are inclined
toward the opinion that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should spend more money in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
of arts while others believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attention
should
be focused
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
. From my vantage point, the latter view is more rational. In what follows, two significant reasons will vindicate my viewpoint.

The
first
aspect to point out is that in most international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
including the Olympics,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
teams are representative of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. If they flourish and succeed in the competitions, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
would
be introduced
positively
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from all around the world will conceive a decent image of those nations.
For instance
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
I&
#039; m always
really
enthusiastic about watching the Olympic Games.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
whose names I may not have even heard
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. When I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
these
Possible spelling mistake found.
people&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
, I would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that they have a supportive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and I even become interested to know more about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Therefore
, supporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
could bring about international fame and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, although art can promote a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
status
as well
,
for example
, there might be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
exhibitions and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
present their arts, no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
is actually more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Therefore
, every nation should pay more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attention
to their athletes.

Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
include larger populations of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. There are various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and in each of them, several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are active.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Therefore
, if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
pays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attention
to its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
,
indeed
, it assists a wider range of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to thrive and bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
Moreover
, with more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
, young talents will become more motivated to follow their interests in a special
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
.
For instance
, in one of the Middle East
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
supports
its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
insufficiently
.
As a result
, fewer young children are willing to pursue
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
for the rest of their life.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
are
really
dissatisfied since they have difficulty to afford their necessary demands. They may even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their activities and
be occupied
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
jobs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
ends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Therefore
, inadequate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
results in less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
and prominence of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
would present challenging life situations for a wide range of the population.

To recapitulate, all aforementioned reasons lead us to the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should devote more investment in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
supports
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
. Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
groups of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
including artists should
be valued
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and provided with sufficient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
, the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
are representative of a
Possible spelling mistake found.
country&
#039; s identity in international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
would result in special
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attention
from the authorities.
Moreover
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
involve a larger population of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should give more encouragement and financial assistance
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
will boast more successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
26Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
80Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO 54 Writing Independent Governments should spend more money in support of the arts than in support of athletics such as state-sponsored Olympic teams. Use specific reasons and examples to support yo v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
522 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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